Parenting a teenager is like walking a tightrope. If you’re too overprotective, your child rebels and gets into trouble. If you’re not involved, they get into trouble through lack of guidance. In order to effectively parent your teen, you’ll have to walk this tightrope, balancing your level of involvement. You’ll have to discover how to stay involved without being overprotective. You can do this by following a few simple tips.
Be a Role Model
If you’ve been a kind and responsible parent, you’re probably raising kind and responsible teenagers. It might not always seem like it, but you’ve given them the basics from the time they were young. They have seen your example, and continue to see it. Trust in that and instead of being controlling and overprotective, simply be available for those times when they’ll need you to demonstrate how to be a functioning and responsible adult.
Don’t Overreact
Teenagers will often just seem to push all your buttons. They’ll drive you crazy with the smallest things until you’re ready to ground them for life simply for missing curfew by 3 minutes, which is probably an overreaction. Before you can parent your teen, you’ll have to control yourself. Temper your reactions and try to behave in proportion to the action.
Understand that your teenager is growing up and is trying to exert a little independence. This isn’t a bad thing. Treat them as you would an adult, at least for the most part. If there’s a problem, sit down and discuss it. Don’t tolerate lying or disrespect, but approach the situation with a reasonable attitude.
Don’t Stop Talking
It’s not being overprotective to ask a few very important questions. It’s okay to ask them where they’re going, who they’re with, and when they’ll be back. It’s also okay to ask why they’re late. It’s not okay to order them to detail every second of their evening. That’s too involved and an invasion of your child’s privacy. Let your child know that you want this information because it will help to keep you from worrying, and your teen will be more likely to oblige.
Show a Little Respect
Respect works both ways, so if you want a child who will respect you and relieve your mind, start by showing them a little respect. Respect the fact that they’re growing up and exerting their own independence. Respect their opinions. Respect their need to have a real discussion with you about real issues. They do still need you, but that need is changing, so try to understand that.
Show a Little Trust
At some point, you’re going to have to trust. Trust the world to look after your child. Trust your child to make the right decisions. Trust that you won’t lose your mind waiting for them to come home. Start early by trusting them just a little at a time. As they build up this trust, give them a little more freedom. It’s better to slowly teach them to be responsible by offering a little freedom than never giving them any and watching them self-destruct as adults.
Stay involved in your child’s life and you’ll guide them through adolescence and into adulthood. Be a parent, not an inquisitor. Your teenagers will thank you and respect you for that.
Teenagers are difficult to parent simply because they are approaching adulthood. They are exerting their own independence, and as a parent, you want to encourage this. However, there is a distinct difference between encouraging independence and resorting to bargaining just to make life easier. You are the parent, and with that title comes the responsibility of teaching your teenager and keeping them safe. These are not things that should be bargained away.
Avoiding bargaining with a teenager is not always that easy, however. It can be difficult for a parent to determine what rules should be negotiated and which ones should be set in stone. As the parent, you have to pick your battles and know that you’ve done so. You have to know which rules are not up for negotiation, and you have to convey this information to your children. Once you’ve clarified in your own mind what rules cannot and should not be negotiated, stick to it.
Teenagers will always try to bargain. It’s their way of starting to acquire their own power. But in the relationship between parent and child, you have the power and the benefit of wisdom and experience. Use this power to enforce your decisions. Your teenagers should have enough respect for you to understand that when you say “That’s the rule,” you mean it. Explain that certain rules are simply not on the bargaining table. Don’t argue about it. Arguing can lead to bargaining, which can lead to you changing your mind simply because you’re tired of arguing. Set the rules and walk away.
This doesn’t mean you should refuse to listen to your teenager. You should always have an open line of communication. If a certain rule really bothers your teen, set aside a certain time to discuss it. Listen to their opinion and express your own. Have a discussion, not an argument. Everyone feels better when listened to. While you might not change your mind, you’ll at least understand how your teenager feels, and your teen will know that you know. That alone might make your relationship a little easier.
Never bargain when it comes to the important things. There will be a time when your teenager must make his or her own decisions, when they are truly independent and ready to face the world. Until that time, it is your job as a parent to keep your child safe. This is best done by establishing the rules and enforcing them, but also by listening to your teenager.
My children love animals, so we have a lot of pets, including seven guinea pigs. Many unsuspecting and responsible people have brought home two guinea pigs and housed them together with the intention that they’d keep each other company. Before long, baby guinea pigs arrive, usually not long after you’ve been told that you purchased two animals of the same sex. It happens, mostly because the people at the pet store didn’t sex the animals properly, or didn’t sex them at all and are simply guessing.
To prevent this from happening, you should learn how to sex guinea pigs yourself. This is also an important skill to acquire if you wish to breed your guinea pigs to avoid getting home with two females or two males. But it's equally important just because your kids are going to want an answer when they ask, "Is it a boy or a girl?". If you can sex guinea pigs yourself, you can be assured of getting exactly what you ask for. You can also answer your children truthfully.
It is not easy to sex young guinea pigs. Their genitalia is not yet fully formed and so is difficult to locate. Mistakes are always possible, though regrettable. Most pet stores will tell you of the “y” and “i” method of sexing, but since guinea pigs should be sexed at 2 weeks old, this method isn’t infallible. There are other ways to tell, and once you know what you’re looking for, sexing a young guinea pig becomes quite easy.
Sexing Female Guinea Pigs
Many times, pet stores will assume that a guinea pig is male because it has bumpy genitalia. This is not the case. Female guinea pigs have bumpy genitalia, so roll your guinea pig on its back to look closely at the genitalia. Run your fingers over the area and look for a “y” formation. This usually indicates a female. To be sure, press on the “y” gently. It should open up just a little. If it doesn’t, you might be holding on to a male guinea pig.
Sexing Male Guinea Pigs
Male guinea pigs have genitalia that is almost shaped like an “i”. There will be a vertical line with a dot. That dot is the penis. There may also be a small bulge, though this often isn’t visible in a guinea pig as young as 2 weeks old. If you don’t notice the “i”, then turn the guinea pig over on its back. Press gently on the stomach just above the genitalia. This should cause the penis to protrude, if the guinea pig is indeed a male. No penis should indicate a female guinea pig.
It is important to know what gender your guinea pigs are. If you’re breeding them, you’ll want to sex the newborns quickly, as young males should be removed from their mother and sisters before 4 weeks of age to prevent inbreeding. If you don’t want to breed, but you do want to house two guinea pigs together, your ability to sex your own guinea pigs is even more important. If you’re ever in doubt, you should take your guinea pigs to a qualified small animal veterinarian. He or she should be able to determine the sex for you with very little effort.
Many teenagers become accomplished liars. They learn the art of deception early on, and parents are often the targets of their lies. Teenagers can be so convincing when telling a lie that even professionals cannot always discern the truth. This can be difficult and frustrating for parents, especially parents of difficult teens.
Luckily, there are teens who have not perfected this art. They give away their lies with subtle clues that you can pick up on if you’re observant. A teenager who is lying might speak rapidly and avoid eye contact. They may pretend disinterest as they address the subject, but belie this by paying unnatural attention to your responses. Many young teenagers will become nervous and even flush. Occasionally they will become so nervous they may actually cry to get you to believe them. Studies show that someone who is lying glances down and to the left as they try to create a story.
On the other hand, a teenager who is being truthful will often look you straight in the eye and will not be nervous or defensive. They will be relaxed and open, willing to answer questions, and not having to stop for long to come up with a convincing lie. Glancing up and to the right may also be a sign of the truth.
Lying is a matter of course for many teens. They are trying to keep the peace by not revealing something that might cause conflict. As a parent, it is your responsibility to ensure your teenagers understand that lying is not a viable means of staying out of trouble. You’ll have to impose consequences, consequences that make it know that they have violated your trust and have to earn in back.
Teenagers usually have their reasons for lying. They’re trying to stay out of trouble. They’re protecting a friend. They just want you off their back. Teach your children that lying is unacceptable in any form and is disrespectful both of you and your rules.
If you’ve been close to your child through the years, you’ll probably be able to spot a lie. You’ll know their facial expressions and body language well enough that you’ll know something isn’t right. If you suspect a lie from a teenager who has a history of lying, you may have to call them on it. However, a child who has always been known as truthful and honest should be given the benefit of the doubt. To jump to conclusions could permanently damage your relationship with your child.
