Essential Items Moms Need to Survive Summer

Summer has arrived in full force and it's not going anywhere anytime soon. Kids are home, the weather is hot, and unless you have 7000 activities lined up, kids will complain of boredom within 37 seconds. So hit the store and be prepared with these essential tools for surviving an entire summer home with the children.

1. Head phones and music. Because kids having fun are loud. Kids annoyed or upset are loud. Kids bored out of their little skulls are loud. You're going to need some peace and quiet, and you'll only get that with a quality pair of noise-canceling headphones.

2. Reflective silver insulation. You know that thin weird stuff at the hardware store you always frown at? Pick up a roll. Cut it down to size so it fits in the children's bedroom windows perfectly. No gaps. This is important. Once this is done, you'll accomplish two things. First, you'll reduce your cooling bill by keeping the heat out, but who really cares about that? The real benefit will be blocking out the light so the kids don't realize the sun is up. Because we all know that when school's out, kids are up as soon they sense the sun. Buy yourself a little time each morning.

3. Sunscreen and bug spray. Not to use on the kids. You know darn well that those kids are not coming anywhere near you if you're threatening to slather or spray them with anything. Instead, these are the items you lose when you hit the beach or waterpark. Because everyone loses at least two things each trip. Better than the baby.

4. Water guns. Big ones. Then the kids can hunt each other in the yard, get wet and cooled down, and not bother you for fifteen minutes.

5. A list of chores. So when one of the kids cries about boredom, you can say, "Here. Bored kids sweep the porch." Post the list on the fridge and let the kids know what it's for. You'll be amazed how often they're not bored.

6. Drinks. Like lemonade, iced tea, or those fancy water enhancer things. You'll need to keep the kids hydrated and no one wants to drink water in the summer. This way you'll have a selection and no one moans. Yes, you could insist they drink water, but that will end with you losing your mind. Plan ahead.

7. A pool or at least a sprinkler. Think back to swimming in pools when you were a kid and you'll know why public pools are gross. Between the pee and occasional toddler actually pooping in the pool (it happens more than you think), you probably don't want to go to a public pool. Also, public pools suck for parents. Have water sports available at home as an alternative.

8. Towels and swimsuits. Multiples of each. Because you know they're going to get wet in the morning, change into dry clothes, and then want to get wet all over again, but not in the already-wet swimsuits. And no one likes wet towels.

9. Bubbles. Tons of fun to be had here by all ages. And, as a bonus, bubbles are basically soap. Once they're done with the bubbles, spray them off with the hose. Instant shower and the kids think it's hilarious.

10. Board games and such. Because not every day will be bright and sunny and you need a backup plan. If you don't have something to occupy them on yucky days, they'll eat the sofa.

11. Video games and movies. I know, I know. Screen time is evil and all that. But, seriously, on a rainy day, or a day when the humidity is out to murder you, these can occupy longer than that old game of checkers you have in the closet. Desperate times call for desperate measures. And screen time isn't the enemy. Two months of no school is the enemy.

12. Something just for Mom. If you want to come out the other side of summer in one piece, you need something just for you. Maybe it's a glass of wine before you go to bed. Maybe a chocolate bar you sneak when the kids are chasing each other outside. It might be a special book you read just a little of every morning. Whatever it is, make it something you never share.

You can survive summer. Trust me. It's only two months. You will make it.

Please Label My Child

My younger son is autistic. He's 7 years old now, and he was different from the start. That means 7 years of dealing with doctors, schools, aid workers, IEPs, and other parents. It also means I've had 7 years to get used to the label. To know that my son is indeed autistic. To get over the denial most parents of autistic children go through.

In those 7 years of dealing with my autistic son, I've heard dozens of parents say, "I don't want them labelled." And I never understand it. I can't fathom why any parent would shy away from a label that will only help. Here's why I haven't resisted having a 'label' for my son.

1. It's not about me. His diagnosis, his label, his IEP. Not mine. Putting my head in the sand and pretending he's not autistic is for my benefit, not his. It doesn't help him, and it can hurt him by not allowing him to access the services he actually needs.
2. Everyone has a label. I was the smart one. My older son is the mouthy one. His best friend is the shy one. Labels all. Because my younger son is only 7, his classmates don't know too much about autism. So he's the weird one. He's the one who flaps his hands. He's already labelled. I might as well make sure it's the correct label.
3. A label is practical. I know that's not a fun word. But sometimes practical is necessary. Having a single word, a single diagnosis, to describe my son means I don't have to spend 4 hours explaining his problem. And he does have a problem, so I can't afford those 4 hours anyway.
4. A label means he gets help. Even with that label, it's hard to get help, especially in the schools. IEPs don't grow in trees, after all. The law might say your kid is entitled to a free and appropriate education, but if you don't have a label, your special needs kid WILL slip through cracks. It's going to happen.

One thing I've learned over the last 7 years is that none of it is about me. My discomfort isn't important. What is important is my son. He needs certain services, and those services can only be accessed by those with a firm diagnosis.

So I got over myself and learned to accept what was. My son is a beautiful, loving, smart little boy who happens to have autism. That label doesn't lessen who he is. It just means he has more opportunities than he would have without that label.

Why I Don't Homeschool My Autistic Son

My youngest son is autistic. I knew this since well before he started school. I knew he was different from the time he was a month old and wouldn't eat if someone was touching him. I've known since he'd tap his fingers together, just staring at them as if they were the only thing in the world. I've known since BEFORE the doctors told me. My son is autistic and it's my job to protect him. I'll do anything I have to.

Not long after his official diagnosis, another mom I know, one without a special needs child, said to me, "Of course you're going to homeschool him." That would be best, right? Keep him at home where he's most comfortable and control what he's learning and how he's learning it. Sounded great at the time (he was 4, so it was 18 months before he could start kindergarten). At that point, he'd been in daycare for just over two years, and it had been a hard two years. Even with a worker with him every second of every day, daycare was hard. I couldn't help but imagine school would be so much harder.

After much debate with myself, I decided to homeschool my youngest. Then, thankfully, I got my head on straight before the month was out. What was I thinking? It would be a horrible idea! And here are just a few of the reasons why.

1. I have to work. That was the reason I'd been forced to use daycare in the first place. As a single mother, I don't have the option not to work. I may work from home, but in a typical day (Monday-Friday) I work about 12 hours a day. There's no way I can do that and teach a kid anything useful. I had to schedule in teaching my older son to tie his shoes. I couldn't possibly schedule in teaching my younger son all day every day.

2. I'm not qualified. This is probably my biggest problem with some of the people who homeschool. Let's face it, just going to school doesn't mean you can teach. I may have been the top scoring student in math, sciences, and English in my division, but I don't think I can teach all those things effectively. I'm a professional writer, not a professional teacher. So I thought I'd better leave it to the pros.

3. The world doesn't revolve around him. MY world may revolve around my children, but THE world certainly doesn't. My son is relatively high functioning. He still gets a worker at school, but one day, with help and proper preparation, he'll be able to live a mostly independent life. And when he's out there, living independently, he'll quickly discover that the world doesn't adapt itself to him. Not comfortable leaving the house? Unless you can get a job right away that involves staying in your house, you're kind of out of luck, kid. Can't cope with the people? People are everywhere. Get used to it. I could go on, but what's the point? The world is the world, and as kind as some people are, the world itself doesn't care that my youngest is autistic. If I keep him home now, it'll take all the longer to help him cope with the world outside our small family. And he does need to cope.

4. I like being "Mommy". I love the relationship my son and I have. I'd be fooling myself if I thought that relationship would stay the same if I was both "Mommy" and "Teacher". Let someone else deal with teaching him to read and how to walk in line (this has been one of our greatest struggles, actually). I want to be the one who teaches him how to smile and how to play.

5. Schedules are great. Not for me. I'm a nutty writer who can't remember what day it is without my calendar and three reminders from my phone. But my son lives and dies by a schedule. Having to get on the bus at a certain time EVERY DAY and not having the option to change that, EVER, is really good for him. He lives by the clock. I, however, can't. I don't think we'd mesh very well in the homeschooling department. In fact, if he was harping "Mommy, time for snack," at 10:30 EVERY morning, I'm pretty sure I'd totally lose my mind. I never do the same thing at 10:30, and with very good reason.

6. I am so tired of transitions. This is selfish, and I know it. But, as most people with autistic children will tell you, transitions just plain suck. You can prepare an autistic child for it as much as possible, but that transition that's looming before you is still coming, and it will still throw him for a loop. If I can make transitions someone else's problem, you can bet I will. Because Mommy needs to breathe for a minute.

7. He loves his brother. My older son is exactly 2 years older than my younger son and they're quite close. Whatever big guy does, little guy wants to do. And big guy loves school. The friends, the teachers, the bus, the smell of the classrooms (don't ask), he loves it all. No way would I pull him away from that, and no way I would force one kid to stay home and watch his brother skip onto the bus with a smile. That's just not fair.

8.I have no attention span. Seriously. I'm worse than he is (almost). I'm the writer who works on 9 different projects on any given day. Maybe 12. Teaching my son academics would require me to actually take medication to pay attention, and that medication actually curtails my creativity (I know, I've tried it). If my creativity is curtailed, I can't do my job. No job, no food on the table. And now we're starving.

9. I want him to be exposed to ideas that aren't mine. I've thought a lot about this one, and talked to many homeschooling parents who claim to homeschool because they want to control what their kids are exposed to. I don't need that much control. I want my kids exposed to as many different ideas as possible. I LIKE having no control (or very little) over the diversity of education my children receive. I'm not always right, after all.

10. They have more resources than I do. Unless I somehow win the lottery, I can't afford the resources the school brings to the table. I simply can't. Those resources are invaluable, especially for my autistic son. These resources include a full-time professional who is there specifically for my son at all hours of the school day. She is amazing. I can't afford her salary, and I can't keep her prisoner in my basement, so off to school my little guy goes.

This last reason was more than enough to convince me that my youngest was better off in public school. Don't get me wrong, I have only respect for those parents who pull off homeschooling effectively (let's admit that not everyone does), but for my autistic son, it's not the best option. Does he love school? Well, no. But he's slowly adapting. Grade 1 is wrapping up and we'll keep plugging along whether he likes it or not. Because we can't always love what's good for us, and what's good for him is going to school every day.