It's Okay to Let the Baby Cry

Being a new mom is hard under the most perfect of conditions. You're tired, sore, and probably dirty because you've forgotten to take a shower for the past week. And that's when you have the ideal situation.

When you have a baby who won't sleep, the situation is just that much worse. This was where I found myself when my second son was born. He didn't sleep. Ever. Oh, he'd nap for 10 minutes at a time maybe 5 or 6 times a day, but he didn't actually sleep. And since I was going through a divorce, I didn't have anyone to take over so I could catch a nap. That meant less than an hour of sleep per day, and none of that was consecutive. I was totally fried and losing my mind.

Still, I held in there. For five months. On an hour of sleep. Picture that for a moment. I was past being a zombie, and I had a 2-year-old and an infant to care for. Everyone was cranky, everyone was tired, and I think we were all insane. No one was even liking each other at the time.

I had to do something. So I made a decision that wasn't entirely conscious and was mostly driven by exhausted instinct and put the baby down. I put him safely in his crib one night and walked away. I closed the door behind me and collapsed on the floor. I literally did not have the strength to stay on my feet for another minute. It was sit down or pass out.

In fact, I think I maybe passed out. The baby was out of my arms for the first time in five months. I had no reserves left and needed to just sit there, back against the door. So I sat.

And the baby cried. I don't actually know how long he cried. It was more than a minute, less than 30 minutes. I was only semi-conscious, so I'm not exactly sure. But I do know that the crying suddenly stopped. Just stopped. Like some sort of magic. He'd never been quiet when not in my arms.

So my first thought, quiet naturally, was, "He's dead!" Give me a break. I was insane at the time. So I went back in. But just in case he was alive and actually sleeping, or just trying to trick me, I had to be sneaky. Which meant I became Ninja Mommy. I was probably much less impressive in real life, but in my demented state I remember being very sneaky indeed. I remember slinking across the floor and peeking into the crib like a pro. I'm sure I was more like a slug who couldn't see straight. Whatever.

And there he was, sleeping like a champ. A champ I tell you! And not in my arms. For the first time ever. In my relief, I fell asleep right there on the floor. Ninja Mommy indeed.

Did I feel guilty? Honestly, I was too tired to feel guilt. I didn't cry when he cried because I was mostly unconscious. I didn't experience any of the emotions I've heard other moms talk about when they let their babies cry it out. And I wasn't deliberately letting him cry it out. I was just too tired to do anything else.

The next day I took my baby to the doctor because I needed him to tell me that what I had done was okay. He patted me on the back and asked me why I hadn't done it sooner. And, of course, reminded me he'd suggested it before. Twice. I'd just been too tired to listen.

Armed with the knowledge that I was not hurting my baby, I did it again. And again. By night five he was only protesting by waving his arms and snorting at me (he still snorts when he's annoyed and he's 7 now).

I was sleeping! Both kids were sleeping! We no longer hated each other! Mission accomplished (not that I'd really had a mission). I know there are people out there who would say I was being cruel. I don't care. It was either let him cry or drop kick him. Yes, I really was that tired. And I really needed to do something, and I was acting only on instinct.

So what's the moral of the story? That we, as parents, do what we have to do. We do what works for us. Because that's all any if us can ever do.

Why Parents Should Swaddle Their Babies

Swaddling is an ancient technique that has been practiced around the world. Though its popularity in western cultures had waned in the past two centuries, in recent years it has seen a resurgence. Now many hospitals and doctors are recommending that parents swaddle their children. Swaddling offers a measure of comfort, warmth and safety to your baby that is otherwise hard to come by. It can soothe a fussy baby and encourage a deep sleep.

How to Swaddle a Baby

Learning how to swaddle a baby sounds easy but in practice it can be difficult to master. Use only lightweight muslin or cotton to swaddle your baby to avoid overheating. Synthetic blankets aren’t very breathable and can trap heat, possible making your baby ill or even suffering from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). Also avoid using any additional blankets or pillows for warmth, as these could possibly smother your baby. Don’t worry about your baby getting cold. She will be warm enough once she’s swaddled.

Swaddling involves wrapping your baby in the chosen blanket, leaving only the head uncovered. Use the arms to anchor the blanket in place. Use the blanket to fully encase your baby, restricting her ability to move freely. This helps to eliminate twitching which can wake your baby, leading to a more prolonged sleep.

Reasons to Swaddle Your Baby

There are many good reasons to swaddle a baby. The security and pressure provided by swaddling mimics the safety of the womb. There have been many studies that suggest that swaddled babies feel so secure that they actually sleep longer and deeper than those not swaddled. This leads to a better rested child and parent, which is beneficial for everyone. Swaddled babies move less, and so are more likely to remain on their backs. A child who sleeps on her back is at reduced risk of SIDS.

Premature babies seem to especially benefit from swaddling. Research shows that premature babies who are swaddled are more likely to increase their birth weight faster than those who are not. They develop stronger muscles and the pressure exerted by swaddling might offer some relief for colicky babies.

Swaddling, though quite beneficial, is not a cure-all. It should not be used as an attempt to quite a distressed child. Babies cry for a variety of reasons, such as hunger, a dirty diaper, or simply because they need you. Swaddling is not a method to avoid meeting these needs. Swaddling should only be used as a method of comforting your child and securing a better rest for everyone involved. A newborn child who is screaming, swaddled or not, should not be ignored.

Swaddling is a wonderful method for helping your child to feel calm, comforted, and secure. It is an excellent way to bring a measure of peace into a household and is a perfect fit for many families. Keep in mind, however, that while most babies love to be swaddled, some do not like it at all. Each baby is unique, so you will have to discover if swaddling is the right choice for your baby.