Avoiding bargaining with a teenager is not always that easy, however. It can be difficult for a parent to determine what rules should be negotiated and which ones should be set in stone. As the parent, you have to pick your battles and know that you’ve done so. You have to know which rules are not up for negotiation, and you have to convey this information to your children. Once you’ve clarified in your own mind what rules cannot and should not be negotiated, stick to it.
Teenagers will always try to bargain. It’s their way of starting to acquire their own power. But in the relationship between parent and child, you have the power and the benefit of wisdom and experience. Use this power to enforce your decisions. Your teenagers should have enough respect for you to understand that when you say “That’s the rule,” you mean it. Explain that certain rules are simply not on the bargaining table. Don’t argue about it. Arguing can lead to bargaining, which can lead to you changing your mind simply because you’re tired of arguing. Set the rules and walk away.
This doesn’t mean you should refuse to listen to your teenager. You should always have an open line of communication. If a certain rule really bothers your teen, set aside a certain time to discuss it. Listen to their opinion and express your own. Have a discussion, not an argument. Everyone feels better when listened to. While you might not change your mind, you’ll at least understand how your teenager feels, and your teen will know that you know. That alone might make your relationship a little easier.
Never bargain when it comes to the important things. There will be a time when your teenager must make his or her own decisions, when they are truly independent and ready to face the world. Until that time, it is your job as a parent to keep your child safe. This is best done by establishing the rules and enforcing them, but also by listening to your teenager.
