Be a Role Model
If you’ve been a kind and responsible parent, you’re probably raising kind and responsible teenagers. It might not always seem like it, but you’ve given them the basics from the time they were young. They have seen your example, and continue to see it. Trust in that and instead of being controlling and overprotective, simply be available for those times when they’ll need you to demonstrate how to be a functioning and responsible adult.
Don’t Overreact
Teenagers will often just seem to push all your buttons. They’ll drive you crazy with the smallest things until you’re ready to ground them for life simply for missing curfew by 3 minutes, which is probably an overreaction. Before you can parent your teen, you’ll have to control yourself. Temper your reactions and try to behave in proportion to the action.
Understand that your teenager is growing up and is trying to exert a little independence. This isn’t a bad thing. Treat them as you would an adult, at least for the most part. If there’s a problem, sit down and discuss it. Don’t tolerate lying or disrespect, but approach the situation with a reasonable attitude.
Don’t Stop Talking
It’s not being overprotective to ask a few very important questions. It’s okay to ask them where they’re going, who they’re with, and when they’ll be back. It’s also okay to ask why they’re late. It’s not okay to order them to detail every second of their evening. That’s too involved and an invasion of your child’s privacy. Let your child know that you want this information because it will help to keep you from worrying, and your teen will be more likely to oblige.
Show a Little Respect
Respect works both ways, so if you want a child who will respect you and relieve your mind, start by showing them a little respect. Respect the fact that they’re growing up and exerting their own independence. Respect their opinions. Respect their need to have a real discussion with you about real issues. They do still need you, but that need is changing, so try to understand that.
Show a Little Trust
At some point, you’re going to have to trust. Trust the world to look after your child. Trust your child to make the right decisions. Trust that you won’t lose your mind waiting for them to come home. Start early by trusting them just a little at a time. As they build up this trust, give them a little more freedom. It’s better to slowly teach them to be responsible by offering a little freedom than never giving them any and watching them self-destruct as adults.
Stay involved in your child’s life and you’ll guide them through adolescence and into adulthood. Be a parent, not an inquisitor. Your teenagers will thank you and respect you for that.
