Welcome to Not-So-Ultimate Mommy—a real-life parenting blog for the perfectly imperfect. From fun kids’ activities to honest takes on motherhood, this space is all about finding joy, creativity, and sanity in the chaos. Whether you're crafting with toddlers or navigating parenting curveballs, you’re not alone—and you’re doing great (even when it doesn’t feel like it).
Having a live tree in your house at Christmas can make your home feel just a little more festive and bring joy to your entire family. Many people, however, choose not to buy a real tree because they believe that it will not last throughout the holiday season and they'll be left with a dead tree by Christmas. This is simply not the case. A real tree can certainly survive through the holidays if it is properly tended and selected with care. All it takes is a little knowledge.
Keeping your tree fresh through the holidays begins with the selection of your tree. There are really two options: a potted tree or a cut tree. If you decide to purchase a potted tree, ensure that it has been watered properly and appears to be in good health. Examine the bark for any damage, and if any bark is missing, find another tree. Give your potential tree a little shake to see how many needles drop. A few is normal, but too many fallen needles indicates dehydration. Also check for any dead needles or branches.
Most people will choose a cut tree for the holidays. These same tests can be performed on a cut tree as on a potted tree. Additionally, with a cut tree, you’ll want to examine the bottom of the trunk for excessive damage which may have caused trauma to the tree. Before leaving the lot, ask an attendant to cut two to three inches off the end of the trunk. This will allow the tree to absorb water more efficiently once you get the tree home.
Get your tree into water as soon as you get it home. If you’re not going to put your tree up immediately upon your return, leave it outside with a source of water. Christmas trees actually like the colder weather, so don’t worry that the cooler December temperatures will damage your new tree. You will want to check the water to make sure it hasn't frozen.
If possible, use a plastic tree stand. Metal tree holders can puncture the bark of the tree, which can cause a loss of sap. This will weaken the tree, making it wilt that much sooner. In addition, the larger your tree stand is, the fewer times you’ll have to add water. At any rate, check the water levels every day. You don’t want your tree to dehydrate, or it will become a fire hazard as it dries out. It will also begin to wilt, and possibly even die. To provide more protection for your Christmas tree, look for those holiday lights that give off the least amount of heat.
If you want your tree to truly last through the holidays, it will need more than just water. Trees, like people, need nutrients in order to thrive. To make your own tree food, combine four cups of water with two cups of corn syrup. Boil this mixture for five minutes, allow to cool, and poor it into your tree stand. You can, if you like, add some iron supplements (but no more than three tablets, crushed) and a tablespoon of bleach. Do not add too much bleach or you could damage the tree. Alternatively, you could purchase Christmas tree food, sold at many locations during the holidays.
Caring for your live Christmas tree is simple and well worth the effort. Treat your tree with care, and it will bring joy to you, your family, and your guests throughout the holiday season.
Gathering friends and family together over the holidays is a tradition for many people. But for those on a budget, hosting a holiday party can seem like an impossible task. There are decorations to buy, drinks to supply, and food to prepare. However, it is possible to host a holiday party within your budget, if you plan ahead and make some careful decisions.
Start by saving money on the invitations. You don’t need an expensive invitation to invite people to your home. Try printing them yourself, or really save some money and send all your invitations using the Internet.
One area where a lot of people spend too much is decorations. You don’t have to purchase expensive decorations year after year. A bowl filled with candy or ornaments can be a beautiful centerpiece. Use the decorations you already have to liven up your holiday party. Dress the tree, hang the stockings, and rummage through your existing decorations to set a wonderful ambiance. To save a little time, effort, and money, don’t decorate those rooms that will not be used for the party.
A beautiful and well laid table doesn’t have to be expensive. You shouldn’t feel like you have to go out and buy all new linens every year. Use what you have, and make the table unique with the use of candles, sparkles, and maybe an ornament or two scattered around the table for fun.
Consider holding the party in your own home or the home of a friend. Renting a space can be a huge cost, and an unnecessary one. Also try cutting down on the guest list. Large parties incur larger expenses.
Food can be expensive. You can lighten this cost in a couple different ways. Choose simple foods that everyone will love. Remember that there will probably be leftovers, so only use foods that you’ll want to eat the day after. You can also ask that everyone bring a dish. Perhaps you could supply the main course, and ask your guests to supply dessert or appetizers. Not only will this reduce the amount you have to spend, but it will cut down on your preparation time. To really save money on food, don’t hold your party during mealtimes at all, but offer cocktails and snacks instead.
If you really want to save money when planning a holiday party, don’t offer an open bar. Choose one or two drinks that people truly enjoy, and limit yourself to that. Let your guests know that they are more than welcome to bring their own favorite drink to contribute to the party. As an alternative, host an alcohol-free party this year. Non-alcoholic drinks are typically far less expensive.
Everyone likes to give gifts, but in a group of perhaps twenty guests, this can get prohibitively expensive. Encourage your guests to bring items for donation to a local shelter or organization. Appropriate donations can include non-perishables and canned goods. In this way, everyone can enjoy the spirit of giving without breaking the bank.
Spice up any party with fun holiday games that don’t cost anything at all. Try holiday trivia or holiday charades. If children are involved, try decorating cookies or other holiday treats that can also serve as dessert. Entertaining your holiday guests doesn't have to be expensive. Get just a little creative, and everyone will have plenty of fun, and you’ll still stay on budget.
Remember that holiday entertaining doesn’t have to cost a lot of money. Your guests are your friends, and they value your company. They won’t be disappointed if you don’t spend every penny you have on them.
Holiday parties are a tradition in many households, and hosting one can be a fulfilling experience. Perhaps you’ve spent weeks preparing for this party, meticulously mapping out each and every aspect. Maybe it’s been a truly last-minute affair. Regardless, you probably want things to be just a little more festive, to add a little more atmosphere to your event. There are many suggestions as to how you can spruce up your home right before your holiday party.
Take a look around and decide which rooms you want to use for the party, and close the doors to any other rooms. Focus only on the areas that will be used by your guests. Check to make sure that these areas are clean and clutter free, and then remove anything breakable. Also remove anything that might be in the way, and add more seating if you have to. Make sure your kitchen is clean (if you're looking to add some holiday scent, use pine scented cleaner), and put any used dishes in the dishwasher. Clear out your hall closet to make room for the coats and boots of your guests.
Once your home is clean and prepared for guests, analyze your décor. If you have any unused strings of lights, pull them out and find places for them. They can be draped over doorways, wrapped around banisters, or simply placed on a mantel or window pane. Garland, which is relatively inexpensive, can be used in many of the same ways. Combine lights with garland for a truly sparkling effect.
Candlelight is warm and inviting, so gather up some candles and start placing them in strategic locations such as on the mantel, tables, sideboards, or anywhere else you can think of. If you have wall-mounted or hanging holders, especially if they’re particularly festive, use them if you can. Try adding glass beads or crushed glass at the base of the candles for added ambiance. If using scented candles, make sure the scents all complement each other. Keep scented candles off the dinner table, as they could interfere with enjoying your meal.
Exchange your regular throw pillows for more festive ones. These can be found at your local craft or discount store, and do much to enhance your décor. Consider a holiday throw as well, and perhaps a wreath or two scattered through the party areas, especially on doors. If your tree looks a little bare, add a few ornaments before guests arrive, and don't forget to plug in the lights. If you have pictures on the wall that you don't want to take down, consider making them more festive. Picture frames are easily wrapped to look like presents, and will almost certainly get some interesting comments from your guests.
Add some scent to your home. This can be done in a variety of way. Try using festive scented candles, air fresheners, or throw a batch of cookies in the oven. The right scent during your party will make your guests feel relaxed and welcome in your home.
Turn your attention to the outside of your home. Add a wreath, mistletoe, holly, even some jingle bells to make your front door seem a little more festive. Sprinkle some holiday sequence or red and green sparkles on the snow outside your door. If you have holiday lights on the exterior of your home, the sparkles will reflect the light and look very cheerful.
Ultimately, a holiday party is a chance to spend some time with your guests and enjoy yourself. Complete your last-minute sprucing up, and then take pleasure in your evening with friends and family.
When hosting a Christmas dinner for your family, friends, or coworkers, seating your guests can sometimes present a problem. If your gathering is informal, such as buffet-style or cocktail, then seating may not be an issue. However, if you intend on a more formal Christmas party, you should take a few moments to consider seating arrangements, and hopefully before they begin arriving.
Seat those people together who have something in common. If people have something in common, then their conversation can be more than just small talk, even if they don’t know each other. In general, you should not seat people together if they don’t know each other and you can’t envision them having something to talk about. You know your guests, so if you don’t think they have something in common, then they probably don’t.
If you know that two people don’t get along, don’t seat them together. If you do, you’re only asking for trouble. If your uncle hasn’t spoken to your cousin in ten years, you should probably respect that and seat them with other people, and not beside each other (and maybe not even across from each other). Christmas dinner may not be the time to try to resolve old hurts, especially in front of everyone.
Make absolutely sure that you keep couples together, unless you know that they won’t mind being split up. They, obviously, have something in common and will have much to talk about. In addition, they probably expect to be seated together, and may be offended if separated.
Remember that this is a Christmas party, not a matchmaking party. Don’t seat people together with the hopes that they’ll become a couple. You’re supposed to be the host, not the resident matchmaker. You’ll be the one they blame when they didn’t have an enjoyable evening. If you get a reputation for trying to fix up everyone who comes to your parties, you’ll soon notice a decline in the number of guests you can attract.
If you’re mixing friends and family, don’t make your friends feel uncomfortable by seating them apart from your family. You like your friends, and your family will too. Mix them in amongst your family, seating them with anyone they can have meaningful conversation with. Everyone will feel more comfortable, and your friends will thank you later for making them feel included.
Consider setting up a special table for children. This is not impolite, but rather a courtesy. Children have more in common with other children, and they tend to enjoy the feel of a less formal table. Ensure, however, that this table is in the same room as the adult table. You want the children to feel included and special, not banished to another part of the house. Allow teenagers to choose which table they’d like to sit at. Some teens will be more comfortable with the children, but others, especially the older teens, would rather be seated with the adults.
If you have a large group, you should try to have several smaller tables, rather than one long dining table. A longer table with more than about eight people encourages shouting in order to be heard by someone at the other end. Separating people into smaller groups will keep everyone a little quieter, and has a more intimate feel.
If you want to keep difficulties to a minimum, make up several bowls of each dish, instead of one larger dish. This will eliminate the reaching and constant prattle: “Could you pass that stuffing … again?” It sometimes helps to use centerpieces and decorations to divide the table somewhat. That way, you might be able to prevent all three bowls of stuffing from ending up at the same end of the table. And, if you have people with special diets, such as vegetarians, you can set them all together and make everyone more comfortable by not placing the turkey or the ham directly in front of a vegetarian.
Remember that a Christmas party is supposed to be fun. Don’t stress yourself unduly. Seating arrangements should be based on compatible personalities, and since you know everyone you’re inviting, you’ll figure it out. When your guests finally start arriving, put aside your worries about who will sit where, and just enjoy yourself.
College brings a sense of freedom to many young people, but that first semester flies by in no time at all. Before you know it, you’re heading back home for a much deserved winter break. But making that jump from the complete absence of parental restraint back into the bosom of your family can be a difficult on everyone. Surviving winter break can present its own set of unique challenges.
Try not to surprise everyone, if you can avoid it. If you’ve changed your appearance, let your parents know ahead of time. If you dyed your hair blue and pierced your nose and eyebrow, they may not react well. And if your favorite holiday meal used to be ham, and now you’ve become a vegetarian and conveniently forgot to tell them, they’ll probably be a little miffed. Give them plenty of warning so that they can make any necessary adjustments.
If your parents are prone to over scheduling your breaks, talk to them first. Let them know that you’re recovering from a difficult semester at school, your exams were really taxing this time around, and you really need a break. Explain that you’ll probably need a couple days, at the very least, to sleep and spend some time alone. They’ll probably understand, provided you talk to them about it first.
Make time to spend with your family. You’ve been away for a while, and you’ve all missed each other. Tell them about your college experiences, what you like and what you don’t. Listen to the changes that have occurred in their lives while you’ve been gone. If conversations only seem to spark arguments, think of things you can do together that don’t require much talking. Maybe watch some holiday programming, or go out and see the holiday lights in your neighborhood. Anything that allows you to spend time together before you head back to college.
Take care of yourself, just as you’ve been doing at college for months. Do your own laundry, don’t depend on your parents for your every meal, and pick up after yourself. This will show your parents that you’re not the teenager who left for college, but you’re now a fully fledged adult, and you’re responsible for yourself.
If your parents start mentioning a curfew, don’t panic. They’re your parents and they love you. Instead of launching into an argument that can only end in a shouted “I’m not a child anymore!” take a step back. Calmly remind your parents that you no longer require a curfew. Be polite and let them know when to expect you, and out of respect, try not to come home at 3am. Remember to call if you’re going to be late, just so they don’t worry about you.
Finally, if you’re bringing a friend, make sure it’s okay with your parents. It’s their house, and they will not appreciate unexpected guests. On the other hand, if you’re going to spend part of your break visiting your friends, let your parents know first, preferably well in advance. This will avoid any hurt feelings when you suddenly disappear for three days in the middle of your break.
A visit home during your winter break can be a time to reconnect with your family and friends. Be polite and courteous, and very soon you’ll be heading back to college. You’ll have survived your winter break at home, and maybe even had some fun while you were at it.
Relationships of all kinds are hard. But a college relationship can even more difficult. Being young and in love, having to deal with exams, and then going home for winter break can stress even the most stable of relationships. If you do want to maintain your college relationship during break, you’ll need to make an effort to do so.
Start by defining your relationship. This isn’t always easy, and sometimes it’s less than fun, but it is necessary if you want your relationship to survive winter break. Start by asking yourself if you even want your relationship to survive. College relationships don’t necessarily have to be preserved. If you’re not sure, ask yourself a few questions. Is your partner a person you would want to introduce to your parents? If you could, would you invite this person home with you for break? Do you find your current relationship fulfilling?
If the answer to any of these questions is ‘no’, reconsider your relationship. Not all romantic affairs are designed to last. If you really feel as if it will be too much work to maintain your relationship, then consider ending it before you leave for home.
Maybe your answer to these questions is ‘yes’. Maybe your partner really is your perfect match. And maybe you can’t wait to introduce this person to your family and friends back home. If this is the case, then you’ll have some decisions to make. These decisions will dictate what steps you will take to maintain your relationship during the long winter break.
Be prepared to miss each other. It’s inevitable, if your relationship is indeed worth preserving. Instead of spending the time moping about being apart, look at your winter break as a time to do those things you haven’t done lately. Spend time with your family. Hang out with your non-college friends. Go out on the town you haven’t visited in months. Pack your winter break with activities and things to do. It will make the separation a little easier.
Consider how far apart you will be from your partner during the break. It is possible that you could get together once or twice throughout the break? If not, you’ll need to pick up the phone, or use e-mail. You should communicate with your partner every couple days, if at all possible. Don’t have the time? Make the time. A relationship, especially a college relationship, cannot survive without contact.
Don’t start a new relationship when you get home. Your partner probably won’t appreciate you ‘taking a break’ from your relationship. If you’re lonely, spend some extra time with family and friends. Don’t go looking for someone new, or your relationship will surely fall apart before you return to campus.
Think about your relationship carefully, and decide if maybe it’s time to introduce your partner to your family. Winter break can be a good time to do this, and bringing your partner home with you eliminates some of the problems associated with going home for winter break, such as missing your partner or wondering if he or she will find someone else. Just don’t ‘surprise’ your parents. No one will appreciate it.
If you and partner decide not to be apart for winter break, carefully arrange your visits home. You might have to split your winter break, spending half with your partner’s family, if that’s what your partner wants. Winter break isn’t all about you, after all, not if you’re spending it with your partner. Consider what your partner wants, and maybe the needs of your respective families, to coordinate your winter break.
Winter break doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship. Be open minded, communicate with your partner, and remember that you’ll be back at college soon enough. If your relationship can survive winter break, whether you’re apart or together, then you’ll face a brighter future when you return to campus.
The prospect of a new baby in the house is truly exciting. As parents, you get to experience the joys of pregnancy, the expectancy of birth, and the love that a new baby brings into a home. It is a magical time in many parents' lives. However, for the older sibling, the arrival of a new baby can be fraught with jealousy, anxiety, confusion, insecurity, and sometimes even fear. However, with a little preparation, it is possible to ease some of these feelings in your older child, though they cannot always be eliminated completely.
It helps to put yourself into your child’s position. Imagine how it must feel, the idea of having someone new come in and disrupt the status quo. This new ‘someone’ will need attention, care, and love. And most children will assume that this means that the new baby will receive all of their parents love. In this situation, it is quite normal for a child to feel jealous and even afraid of being pushed aside. To help alleviate these feelings, try some simple and effective tips.
Have an Ongoing Conversation
Start talking about the new baby at least four months before the birth, sooner if possible. You don’t want your child to be taken by surprise when you suddenly bring home a new baby. Explain that there will soon be a new baby, and answer any questions in an age appropriate manner. Your child might want to know how the baby got in Mommy’s belly, or perhaps where he’ll sleep. Answer all of these.
Remind Your Older Child of His Own Infancy
Gather up all the baby pictures of your older child and show him how small and helpless he was as a baby. Remind him of all the things you had to do for him and explain that the new baby will need just as much help. Frame a few of these pictures and place them in your child’s room. This will help remind him that he was once a baby too.
Include Your Older Child Before the Birth
There are plenty of things that need to be done before the new baby arrives. There’s the nursery to set up, baby gates to install, shopping to be done, names to pick, and so many other things. Allow your older child to participate in these preparations. Have him select a special gift for the baby, something that no one else has. It’s also a good idea to purchase a gift for the baby to give to his older sibling. This will promote bonding.
You might consider letting him choose the bedding for the crib, the paint for the walls, and even suggest a name or two for the baby. This will instill a sense of ownership in your older child. To children, ownership is very important. If your older child feel like he ‘owns’ the baby, he’ll be more likely to bond to him or her and less likely to resent the intrusion.
Practice
Purchase a baby doll for your child and allow him to practice being the ‘big brother’ (or sister, as the case may be). Let your child explore the idea of having a baby around and encourage role-playing. Let your child change diapers, feed, hold, and rock the ‘baby’ just as he would a real child. This will instill a sense of responsibility and get your child used to a baby’s varied needs. You can also use the baby doll to guide your older child in appropriate behavior around a new baby.
Go to Your Local Bookstore or Library
There are many children’s books on the market today that are all about the birth of a new baby. Most of these will focus on the importance of older siblings and what they can do to help their new baby brother or sister. These books are fun and entertaining, yet educational. A book can allow the older child to feel safe asking questions of the people in the book. This may lead to questions that you didn’t expect, so be prepared.
Many libraries and bookstores will also have videos about babies. Sit down with your child and watch age appropriate videos together. Look for other materials as well, enlisting the aid of the clerks at the bookstore or library to locate appropriate material. All of these things will help to prepare your child for the impending birth.
Switching Bedrooms
If you know you’re going to have to change the sleeping arrangements in your home, do this as far in advance as possible. Three months is ideal, but never change bedrooms any later than six weeks before the birth. This way, your older child will have time to adapt to his new room and won’t necessarily resent the new baby for kicking him out of ‘his’ room.
Don’t Exclude Your Older Child After the Birth
When you bring home the new baby, let your older child participate in the care of the new baby. There are many things an older child can do, depending on the exact age. Perhaps your older child can hold or rock the baby for you. It might also be possible to involve him in feeding, changing, or playing with the newborn. This will make the older sibling feel included, leading to less resentment and jealousy.
It’s also important to make sure no one else excludes your child. If people are coming for a visit, remind them not to ignore the older sibling. Encourage your visitors to bring gifts for both the newborn and your older child. If people forget, let him open the baby’s gifts. The baby won’t mind.
Spend Quality Time With the Older Child
Your older child is likely feeling very left out, despite your best intentions. It’s natural. Make a point of spending some quality time with him without the baby. Do something that he loves to do, something that you won’t do with the new baby (at least where he can see you). This might mean playing a game, going miniature golfing, or even walking the dog. Reserve this activity for just the two of you so he feels that he still has a corner of your heart that no one else can touch.
Have Realistic Expectations
A new baby is a huge change for your child. Expect that he will act up, get angry, and even regress a little. Don’t scold or punish him for engaging in baby talk or sitting in the crib. He’s simply trying to regain some of the attention that he feels is rightfully his. He may suddenly forget that he’s potty trained or want to drink from a bottle like the new baby. Don’t indulge these behaviors, but do try to understand them.
Talk to your child and let him know that you still have expectations, but that you still love him and the new baby doesn’t change that. If he expresses negative emotions toward the new baby, empathize with him. Try to understand where he’s coming from and the entire experience will be easier.
Every child is different. Some will love having a new baby in the house, others will pout and be resentful. Be prepared for many different reactions and never penalize your child for having or expressing certain feelings. Realizing that your child is a little person feeling suddenly left out will go a long way toward making the experience easier on everyone.
Just the idea of buying a house ‘as-is’ frightens many homebuyers. Generally, ‘as-is’ means that the homeowners might not allow an inspection prior to purchase, and this should make anyone wary. Be aware that you will certainly be doing repairs of some kind. After all, a house wouldn’t be listed ‘as-is’ if there was nothing wrong with it.
If you do choose to pursue the ‘as-is’ home, there are some things in particular that you should watch out for. While many things are a fairly simple and inexpensive fix, there are some problems that will drain your wallet and frustrate you as you attempt to fix them. While an inspection may not be possible, you can still take a look around and make an attempt to identify what might be your biggest problems.
Electrical Sockets
Modern houses that are built to code generally have one electrical socket for every six feet of wall space, though this number varies a little between jurisdictions. Older homes may have fewer outlets, so you might have to invest some time and money remedying this.
Adding electrical sockets is usually considered to be a quick and easy fix. However, you should really count the number of outlets in the home. If there are very few outlets indeed, the problem may be bigger than simply a builder who didn’t put in enough sockets. The house may be wired with a system that truly can’t handle any more outlets. This may mean a total rewire, and that won’t come cheap.
Floors
It’s easy to just never look down when taking a look at a property. However, when buying a house ‘as-is,’ you owe it to yourself to look at every possible problem. This means looking at what’s right beneath your feet. Floors that are not level or that sag in the middle might indicate that the builder of the home took a few shortcuts. Perhaps the contractor set the floor joists at twenty inches instead of the standard sixteen. There are other possible reasons for the sagging floor as well, none of them easy to fix.
If the floors do sag, feel spongy, or is at all unstable, consider walking away from the house entirely. It will probably be a very expensive fix, but since you cannot have an inspector take a look at the problem for you, you have no idea how much it will really cost you.
Roof
Replacing a roof is very expensive and if you suspect a problem with the roof you should probably consider a different property. Look for loose or missing shingles, an excess of moss, or any areas of discoloration. Also keep your eyes open for any sagging spots on the roof. These can indicate structural problems that you probably don’t need to be dealing with.
If it’s winter, check the eaves for a build-up of icicles. Heavy ice usually indicates poor insulation, at least near the roofline. This ice build-up can cost you money, not only in heating bills, but in repairing the damage done to the roof by the ice dam.
Taxes
In most jurisdictions, property taxes are a matter of public record. You can easily assess just how much the property taxes will be, and maybe you can even estimate what they might be once you begin repairing whatever it is that needs to be repaired. Keep in mind that this will only be a guess, since you’re really not going to know what the repairs are until you actually buy the house.
Utilities
Knowing how much the utilities cost for the property you’re interested in can be a great way to evaluate how much energy the house consumes. However, the homeowners, having chosen to list their house ‘as-is’ and not allow inspections, are probably not going to give you the utility bills for the past year. In some jurisdictions, there might be a way around this.
Record the asset number on the meter and contact the utility provider. If your jurisdiction allows it, you may be able to request the usage for up to the past two years. This will allow you do get an idea of how much you will have to pay to heat the home at various points in the year. You might also be able to decide whether or not you’ll have to invest in insulating your new home. Insulating can be very expensive.
You can usually purchase an ‘as-is’ property for relatively cheap. However, the costs associated with bringing this home up to code are undisclosed. You might find yourself having to invest thousands in your new property. This will elevate your costs, possibly to the point where the house just isn’t worth it. Evaluate the home carefully and decide if you’re really willing to take that risk. If possible, negotiate a home inspection and contractually detail the home’s current condition, allowing yourself room to back out of the deal, if need be.
Pre-owned or used homes are a popular and viable option for many people and for a variety of reasons. Sometimes they are more affordable than a new home. Perhaps some people are more attracted to older homes from a purely aesthetic standpoint. It might also be the case that an attractive neighborhood is full of pre-owned homes. Whatever the reason, when purchasing anything used, it is best to be cautious. Older homes will not have any type of builder’s warranty (though there are exceptions), so there are some things that the potential buyer must be aware of.
Electrical System
There are many reasons to inspect the electrical system of any home you are considering for purchase, especially an older home. A faulty electrical system can put both you and your family in danger. Every year, hundreds of homes are destroyed by fires caused by problems in the electrical system. And every year people are killed in these fires. Protect yourself by having the electrical system inspected by a qualified professional.
There is another reason to have this inspection performed. In many jurisdictions, there are codes that must be met before you can legally reside in your new home. Also, if you are obtaining a mortgage, your lending institution may require a thorough inspection before they will approve the mortgage request. This is to ensure that they know where they’re money is going. Most institutions won’t want to invest money in a property that’s not worth it.
Foundation
One of the most overlooked aspects of a purchasing an older home is the foundation. A flawed foundation can cause problems, both now and in the future. The foundation should be straight and level. It should also stretch the entire length and width of the home. If any portion of the home does not have an adequate foundation, consider a different potential home. Also have a professional look for any serious cracks. Some cracking is normal, but serious cracks can indicate a larger problem. Fixing a foundation is very expensive, so walk away from any home with a flawed foundation.
Heating and Cooling System
Unless you enjoy being too hot or too cold, you’d better take a close look at the heating and cooling system of any potential home. A furnace that malfunctions can be both a hazard and an inconvenience. Unfortunately, unless you’re experienced in the function and maintenance of a furnace, you’ll probably overlook something important. Furnaces just aren’t that user friendly. It’s probably a good idea to hire a professional to inspect the system before you put an offer in on the home.
Plumbing
Replacing an entire system of pipes is incredibly expensive. Even lesser plumbing problems cost a lot of money to fix. And an unexpected problem with pipes can cause so much damage that you’ll just want to tear the house down and build anew. Before you sign anything or make a single concrete offer, have the plumbing inspected. If you do wish to make an offer on an older home before having this inspection performed, make sure you make the offer conditional upon a satisfactory inspection. Get this in writing before you make your offer.
Roof
Another very expensive fix is a damaged or substandard roof. In addition to the costs associated with repairing a roof, you may have to fix any damage caused to the interior of the home by an ill-timed leak. To ensure that the roof is in good repair, look for any missing or damaged shingles and an excess of moss growing on the roof itself. Also keep your eyes open when you’re touring the home. Any staining from water leaks should be noted.
A roof in need of repair doesn’t necessarily mean that you can’t purchase the home. But you will want to take the cost of a new roof into consideration when making an offer. It might be prudent to deduct the expense of a new roof from the asking price of the home.
Whatever your reasons for purchasing a pre-owned home, be aware that you will have to deal with some amount of wear and tear. This is normal, especially if the home if more than five years old. However, some things are neither easy nor cheap to fix. The electrical system, foundation, heating and cooling system, plumbing, and roof five areas you will want to investigate thoroughly before making an offer on any home.
Buying a new home is stressful enough, but buying a fixer-upper brings a whole new level of uncertainty and sometimes even fear. And though turning a decrepit property into a gem can be fun and rewarding, it can also be fraught with difficulties. Before you take on the task of fixing up a home, there are a few things you should consider.
Be prepared
People often underestimate how difficult it is to truly renovate a property. Only those people who’ve never bought a fixer-upper and successfully improved it think that it’s an easy process. Before you even consider buying a fixer-upper, you’ll want to mentally prepare yourself. Assume that the renovations will cost twice as much as you think, take double the amount of time you initially thought, will be less pleasing to the eye than you had imagined, and that the house itself won’t be worth nearly as much as you had hoped. Even though all of these things are unlikely to occur, if you assume they will, you’ll be pleasantly surprised when they don’t.
Current Value vs. Potential Value
It is important to understand how your renovations will impact the value of the home you wish to buy. If all of your work will result in a home that’s worth exactly as much as it was before, you might want to consider another property. In order to adequately assess these values, enlist the aid of a qualified real estate agent. An agent experienced in properties that require extensive renovations should be able to give you a general idea of how much the value will improve.
It’s also a good idea to hire a home inspector to evaluate the cost of the renovations. The inspector should provide you with a report indicating the work that needs to be done as well as what the estimated costs might be. Make sure you add ten to fifteen percent to account for any unforeseen expenses. If you feel you need a more accurate estimate, hire a contractor to tally the costs for you.
Add the renovation costs to the price of the house and compare the final cost with the estimated value after renovation. If the final value of the renovated property is actually less that the cost to purchase and renovate the house, consider investing in a different property.
Fixes That Pay
Some renovations bring more value to a home than others. Fixing kitchens and bathrooms will increase the value of your home exponentially. Adding new floors, especially hardwood, and fixing any damaged drywall are also cheap fixes that increase value. Paint may be cheap, but it doesn’t really add to the value of the home. Beware of any structural fixes such as piping and foundations as these are money-eaters that don’t add as much value as you might expect.
Know Your Own Limitations
Not everyone can do everything. Know exactly which renovations you can do yourself and which one you’ll need to hire a professional to complete. You might be tempted to do all the renovations yourself to save some money, but if you don’t know how, or if it’s something that requires a specific skill that you simply don’t possess, hire someone. It might cost a little more, but it might actually be cheaper in the long run. Some projects, if not completed properly, will actual lessen the value of your home, so think twice before tackling a project that you’re not qualified to take on in the first place.
Research Your Area
Most jurisdictions require homeowners to purchase permits prior to starting any real renovation. While you probably don’t need permits to install hardwood flooring or change the light fixture in the bathroom (though you’ll want to check this out carefully, as some areas require permits for every little change), at some point you’ll encounter a project that needs permits. This is especially important if you intend to do electrical, plumbing, or structural improvements.
These permits will inevitably cost money and should be included in your calculations. You should also be prepared to be patient. The issuing of permits is done by the government, and local governments often take their time.
Expect your renovations to take a great deal of time, money, and labor. There will be inevitable bumps along the way, and the occasional surprise. However, with a little preparation and an honest look at your own expectations, you might find that the old house that’s falling apart really is the perfect home for you.
Buying a house is a complex process. Making the initial offer is only the first step on the long road to buying a home. If you want to get a good deal, you’ll have to learn the fine art of negotiation. However, the truth of the matter is most people are not very good at negotiating. Even with the aid of an experienced real estate agent, you might find yourself a little disoriented. However, if you take a moment to ask yourself a few simple questions, and then seek the answers, you will find yourself better prepared for negotiations.
Do They Like Me?
This may seem like a silly question, but it might save you money on your new home. Psychologically, people are normally attached to their homes, especially if they’ve lived there for more than five years. Subconsciously, most sellers want the home to go to someone they like. It might not be a bad idea to attempt to bond with the sellers.
This doesn’t mean you should take them out for drinks. In fact, you might never actually meet the sellers if everything is done through the agent. However, you could include a letter with your offer. Introduce yourself, discuss your family, and your reasons for needing a new home (if those reasons might make the seller feel more favorably toward you). Just make sure you praise the house too much. If the sellers get the feeling that you must have that particular house, they’ll have the advantage.
What is it Really Worth It?
Before making an offer, it is important to realize that the sellers may be overpricing their home in order to make a better profit. Ask your real estate agent for a Comparable Market Analysis (CMA) to put the price in perspective. The CMA will analyze other similar homes in the neighborhood and allow you to get a feel for what other sellers are asking.
You should also take the time to visit other similar homes. You might gain some valuable information that you can use during your negotiations. If other homes have upgraded kitchens and bathrooms, but the home you’re looking at is still stuck in the 1980s, you can use this to save thousands of dollars.
What Are My Priorities?
Don’t fall in love with the house too soon or you’ll put yourself at a disadvantage. Use the CMA to detail a list of homes that are in the same price range but in better condition or have additional amenities. List this because part of your arsenal. You can show the sellers that they are overpricing the home and get a better deal.
You also need to decide what you’re willing to fight for. If you give up a few extras, you might save thousands. Perhaps the sellers will accept a lower offer if they get to take their appliances with them. Be ready to compromise if you want the best price.
Why Are They Selling?
Understanding why the homeowners have chosen to sell their home is a great way to put yourself in a better bargaining position. Your real estate agent might be able to help you discover the reasons behind the sale, but you can find out a lot on your own.
Sometimes, the homeowners will be upfront and honest about their reasons for selling. Other times, you’ll need to do some investigating. Ask the neighbors casually and you’ll often discover a wealth of information. Sellers who are relocating due to a new job, a divorce, a death, or even the loss of employment will be more motivated to sell. Sellers who are simply throwing their house on the market and will sell if the price is right are harder to bargain with.
What Should I Offer?
People often assume that they should offer something incredibly low at first, giving themselves room to negotiate up. This sounds like a good idea in theory, but in practice it can backfire. While you should definitely give yourself some breathing room and make an offer below what you’re actually willing to pay, make sure your initial offer is still fair to the sellers. You want the sellers to make a counteroffer, and an offer that is too low may be rejected out of hand.
When Do I Walk Away?
Try not to be in love with the house or it will be harder to walk away. Decide exactly how much you’re willing to pay in advance, and stick to that price. If the counteroffers really put you off, be prepared to walk away. You don’t need to be overpaying for that house.
Walking away is harder if you’re emotionally attached. If you find that you love the house a little too much, ask your real estate agent to handle the negotiations. Give the agent your maximum price and let him or her handle it from there.
Negotiating a fair price for a house you’d like to purchase can be both stressful and difficult. Keep a level head, clarify your own position, and enlist the aid of a qualified real estate agent if necessary, and you’ll soon find that the negotiation process becomes much easier.
Many owners are anxious to sell their homes. In the rush to sell, there will always be those owners who do not disclose all the problems the property may have. Perhaps they want a quick sale, or a better price, or maybe they simple were not aware of the problems in the first place. Whatever the reason, it’s up to you, as the potential buyer, to spot these problems.
Hiring a home inspector might seem like a good idea, but unless you’re very wealthy, you simply can’t afford to hire an inspector to look at every house that might catch your eye. You can, however, educate yourself. If you know what to look for, you’ll be able to weed out the more damaged homes and focus your attention and money elsewhere.
General Maintenance
If you’re looking for a home you can just move into without having to address a lot of issues, make a point of looking for signs of poor maintenance or maintenance that was never done in the first place. Cobwebs over important areas such as the furnace, hot water heater, or air conditioning unit are generally a sign that these appliances haven’t been serviced regularly. Look at the plumbing as well, if at all possible. If you see an excessive amount of caulking or putty, you’re probably going to have to replace the pipes, and this isn’t cheap.
Go outside and check gutters and drains. If either of these are clogged with more than a week’s worth of debris, it’s likely a sign of neglect. The interior of the gutters may be damaged and have to be replaced. This may not be something that you want to do when you purchase your new home.
Doors
When most people look at a home, they look behind a door, but they don’t close it. A door that won’t close might indicate a serious structural problem. Take the time to open and close every door in the house. Some settling of a home as it ages is normal. But it’s not normal for doorframes to warp.
Flickering Lights
While you might need a home inspector to determine if the wiring is faulty, you can still make some basic observations on your own. Walk through the house and turn on every switch. If the lights flicker or you hear crackling or sparking sounds, it’s a sure sign that there might be an electrical problem. Also take a close look at the circuit box. Corrosion or an overload of wires is an indication that the system needs an overhaul.
If the agent or homeowner tells you the power is off because the house is standing vacant, insist on touring the home while the power is on. If your request is refused, you should absolutely walk away from the deal.
A Fresh Coat of Paint
Many homeowners repaint right before listing their home for sale. This could just be general maintenance and the desire to sell. However, it could also mask some serious problems. Fresh paint can cover up water spots, structural cracks, and even large holes in the drywall. If the house has been repainted but other maintenance has been neglected, you might want to ask why.
The Floor Plan
If you’re looking at older homes, beware of obvious changes in floor plan. Most older homes were not originally open concept, so if you encounter a home that has been renovated to have an open floor plan, ask to see work orders from a qualified contractor. Many times, important load-bearing walls are removed but not replaced. This leads to structural problems down the road, problems that will present a danger to you and your family and are quite expensive to fix.
The Foundation
You may not be a trained and qualified home inspector, but you can still look around for obvious problems that the owners simply didn’t tell you about. One of the most overlooked parts of the house is the foundation. Walk the entire perimeter of the home and examine the foundation in detail. Some cracking is normal, but watch for very deep or very long cracks as these could indicate a weakening foundation. Also make sure the foundation is level. A foundation that is not level is usually a sure sign of a problem that will be difficult and expensive to fix.
When you go inside, make sure you look at the basement. Search for signs that water may have leaked into the basement at some point. You don’t want to have to deal with water damage when you first move in. If there are signs of water damage and the owners claim it’s been fixed, as to see work orders to that effect. Not all owners will lie to you, but some will, so don’t take their word for it.
The Neighborhood
Before you even consider making an offer, take a tour of the neighborhood that you might be moving into. Boarded up homes and vandalized property is usually a sign of problem, as is graffiti. That ‘good deal’ might be because the neighborhood is unsafe or an attraction to criminals.
While looking around the area, take note of how many homes are for sale. If there seems to be too many homes for sale, don’t be afraid of asking neighbors why everyone is moving. You might gain some valuable information that night make you decide to walk away from that particular property, or any others in the area.
That Odd Smell
Let your nose guide you when you’re looking at a potential new home. Take a deep breath and try to identify the various scents. Try to smell beyond the baking cookies and the scent of poodle on the couch. A foul odor might mean mold, mildew, or something worse. If you smell gas, there’s probably a leak, or maybe a furnace in poor repair.
Some homeowners and agents will try to tell you that the house smells funny because it’s been uninhabited for some time. Even if it’s true that the house has been sitting vacant, that’s not the reason for the smell. If you don’t know exactly where the smell is coming from and how to fix it, walk away. Find a home that doesn’t make you gag.
Windows
It’s not enough to simply look through all the windows. Open each window each fully and close it again. Sliding windows should slide with little or no resistance. If they get stuck, you’re probably looking at a structural problem. Even if there isn’t a structural problem, windows are expensive to replace.
Where’s the Water?
While you probably can’t crawl around the house inspecting every piece of pipe, you can turn on all the facets and check the water pressure. Low pressure might indicate corroding or leaking pipes. If the water isn’t on because the house is vacant, arrange to view the home once the water has been turned on. An agent or owner who refuses to do this is definitely hiding a larger problem. There have been cases where unsuspecting homebuyers have purchased a home with no water supply at all.
Purchasing a home is one of the biggest investments you’ll ever make. You owe it to yourself to look for the red flags and evaluate potential money pits. If you haven’t seen any obvious red flags and decide that you’re interested in a particular property, hire a qualified home inspector to further examine the home. This may cost you a little money, but it will also put you in a better position for negotiating the price of the home and let you walk into your purchase with full knowledge of the problems associated with the property.
Summer is a time to get together with family and friends and enjoy the heat. One of the best ways to do this is by hosting a cookout. They are easy to organize and fun for everyone. But if you want your cookout to entertain and engage your guests, you’ll need to plan a few games and activities. When deciding on the activities you’re going to offer, you’ll have to consider the ages of your guests, the space available, and how long the cookout will last.
Team Sports
People of all ages enjoy a carefree team game and they need very little equipment. If you have a large grassy area, you can play soccer, football, or even softball. None of these needs much in the way of equipment and all are easy to play for most people. Badminton or volleyball is also a great option, but you’ll have to bring a net. If your cookout is near a beach, beach volleyball is always fun. You might even want to try croquet, though this requires a little more equipment than some games.
Individual Games
Though team sports are popular, it’s probably a good idea to have a few games that don’t need an entire team to play. Grassy areas are great for horseshoes or darts, but be careful when letting children play darts. If you have any concrete available, pack some sidewalk chalk. Hopscotch will entertain children for hours, but there are other possibilities.
Try using the chalk to draw start and finish lines and have a foot race. If you want to get a little more creative, try to organize a relay race. For more entertainment, try a line race. Have each participant draw a line. It doesn’t have to be straight. It can zigzag, curve, cross other lines, and even double back, as long as it eventually gets to the finish line. Then number the lines and have everyone draw numbers out of a hat. Now people have to race on the line that matches the number they got. The first to hit the finish line wins. This is hilarious as people try to stay on their path without bumping into each other.
Arts and Crafts
Sidewalk chalk can be used for more than just creating games. You can give it to children and adults alike and encourage everyone to get creative. Try blocking off square for everyone and you’ll soon end up with a mosaic of artwork. Have a contest, judging the entries and even awarding prizes, but make sure you have more than one category so that everyone can have a chance to win a prize.
Scavenger Hunts
If you’re looking for a way to keep people occupied for a long period of time try a scavenger hunt. You can do this in one of two ways. You might opt to go to the site early and hide a variety of items, perhaps leaving clues as to their locations. This works well in an area where you can be assured that your items will remain undisturbed, such as private property.
If your cookout is being held in an area that the general public has access to, such as a park, you might want to ask your guests to find items in nature. Make a list that might include dandelions, acorns, pinecones, rocks in certain shapes, a maple leaf, or anything else that’s native to your area. Perhaps as a bonus you could ask everyone to find a four-leaf clover. Provide each participant with a bag and let them go.
Water Games
Summer heat and water just seem to go together. If your cookout has a water source such as a lake, river, stream, or even a water fountain, pack a few water guns. Spread them around and let your guests engage in an impromptu game of ‘war.’ Remember to set some rules regarding who can be sprayed and where the water guns can be used. However, keep in mind that most children and many adults will ignore those rules, so if you pack water guns, be prepared to get wet no matter where you sit.
If there’s a lake nearby, remind everyone to bring their swimsuits. Swimming will occupy your guests for a prolonged period of time with very little effort on your part. Put someone in charge of supervising any children who happen to be in the water, purely for safety reasons.
You can easily turn your summer cookout into a truly social event by the addition of some fun activities. Make accommodations for participants who do not wish to play certain games, and keep in mind the various ages and levels of activities, and your guests will be entertained, engaged, and work up an appetite. Take advantage of the area, and don’t forget to pack some simple items such as a Frisbee and a few balls to toss around. Before you know it, your guests will be enjoying themselves thoroughly.
Summer is the time of the grill. Whether at a barbeque or cookout, most families will find some reason to fire up the grill several time throughout the season. But all activities require certain equipment and tools before they can be fully enjoyed. If you want to grill like a pro, you’ll need to invest some money in the right tools.
The Grill
You can’t grill without a … grill. It is easily the most essential piece of grilling equipment. Generally, you’ll have to choose between a charcoal grill and one fueled with propane. Both have their pros and cons, and their fans. Whichever you choose, there are certain features you should look for in a grill.
Make sure your grill has a functioning lid. This may sound silly to mention, but it really is important. There are grills on the market that are cheaper simply because they do not have a lid, but these do not have the quality that you’ll want in a grill. A lid is essential for many reasons. It allows for indirect cooking, smoking, and even the use of woodchips. In addition, a closed lid allows the air to circulate better, allowing for faster and more even cooking.
You’ll probably want a grill with wheels for mobility. If your grill is charcoal, make sure it has a removable ash catcher that can be easily cleaned. Propane grills should have an ignition switch. If you’re going to be grilling frequently, look for a grill with a second tier for vegetables or simply to keep food warm. A side burner may also be handy.
Wire Brush
Once you have your grill, you’ll have to keep it clean. This is where the wire brush comes in handy. It will prolong the life of your grill and increase the taste and quality of the food you grill. Purchase a brush with brass bristles instead of steel. They are softer and won’t scratch the grates, saving you money in the long run.
Make sure you clean the grill before and after each use. Before grilling, heat the grill to burn off any leftover food then use the brush to loosen any remaining residue. While some people believe that cleaning the grill diminishes the flavor of the food, this is just a myth. Cleaning the grill ensures that your food is fresh, without any ‘leftovers’ attached.
Tongs
Almost all grilling is done with tongs. For this reason you’ll want to ensure that you have a really great set. Look for tongs that are at least 12 inches in length and constructed of stainless steel. Longer is better, as it will protect your hands from the intense heat of the grill. You might also look for tongs with wooden, nylon, or rubber handle grips for easier usage and oval or scalloped tips to allow a better grip on foods.
If you know you’ll be grilling many different foods at once, such as beef and vegetables, for example, you might want to invest in two or three pairs of tongs. It is advisable to have one for meat, one for poultry, one for fish, and one for vegetables to avoid any cross-contamination. You can easily label these tongs with colored tape so you don’t get them mixed up.
Spatula
Tongs can’t be used for everything. Some delicate foods such as fish or vegetables must be flipped gently. This is where a good spatula comes in handy. Spatulas for grilling are generally available in either stainless steel or silicone and have a long, angled handle designed to keep your hands away from the flames. Make sure you purchase a spatula large enough to fit entirely under the food. Fish and other delicate foods might fall apart otherwise.
Basting Brush
A good basting brush is almost as important as a decent pair of tongs. Basting your food locks in moisture, adds and preserves flavor, and improves the appearance of your meat. You shouldn’t use a regular kitchen basting brush, however, and pastry brushes are useless. You’ll want to purchase a grill basting brush, one with a long, angled handle that will help keep your hands away from the heat.
There are three basic types of brushes: synthetic, silicone, and mop. In general, silicone brushes are the best choice for most grillers. They are heat resistant, easy to clean (even in the dishwasher), and don’t shed their little fibers the way synthetic brushes do. However, for grillers who cook large quantities at once, a mop brush might be the better choice. These brushes are better at spreading barbeque and other sauces over large quantities of food.
Wooden Grill Planks
The use of wood planks for grilling is increasing in popularity to the point where any decent grill chef will have several of these on hand at any given time. Though typically used to cook fish, most foods will benefit from the use of a wood plank. The benefit of these planks is that they can infuse the food with flavors that are usually only found in smoked food. When purchasing planks, consider the flavor you’d like your foods to have. Planks are available in ash, cedar, maple, hickory, birch, pecan, mesquite, apple, peach, grape, and many other woods.
Meat Thermometer
Too many people poke or cut into the meat to determine when it’s cooked. This lets out the juices, resulting in lower quality meat. Instead of constantly poking the meat, purchase a good quality meat thermometer. You’ll want a thermometer that is instant-read and has a large face that is easy to read. Also, analog thermometers are more accurate than their digital counterparts, and they tend to last longer.
Skewers
If you and your family like to cook kebabs, you’ll want to invest in a set of metal skewers. These can be used to grill anything from pork, chicken, and beef to vegetables and fruit. When purchasing your skewers, look for the flat ones as opposed to the round. Food tends to spin and cook unevenly on round skewers, but stays in position on the flat ones.
Grill Basket
Is skewering foods too much work, try a grill basket. You can throw all manner of smaller foods into this basket that would otherwise fall through the grills and into the fire. These baskets should be sturdy enough to support a great deal of weight. They are perfect for stir-fries or simply a plate full of grilled vegetables.
If you wish to grill frequently, the above tools are the bare necessities. Other popular items include pizza pans, egg poachers, frying pans, and dozens of other accessories. Decide on how much you’d like to use your grill, and what foods you’re likely to cook, then purchase the items you’ll need. Before long, you’ll be grilling your way to perfection and hosting cookouts and barbeques that will be long remembered.
Parenting a teenager is like walking a tightrope. If you’re too overprotective, your child rebels and gets into trouble. If you’re not involved, they get into trouble through lack of guidance. In order to effectively parent your teen, you’ll have to walk this tightrope, balancing your level of involvement. You’ll have to discover how to stay involved without being overprotective. You can do this by following a few simple tips.
Be a Role Model
If you’ve been a kind and responsible parent, you’re probably raising kind and responsible teenagers. It might not always seem like it, but you’ve given them the basics from the time they were young. They have seen your example, and continue to see it. Trust in that and instead of being controlling and overprotective, simply be available for those times when they’ll need you to demonstrate how to be a functioning and responsible adult.
Don’t Overreact
Teenagers will often just seem to push all your buttons. They’ll drive you crazy with the smallest things until you’re ready to ground them for life simply for missing curfew by 3 minutes, which is probably an overreaction. Before you can parent your teen, you’ll have to control yourself. Temper your reactions and try to behave in proportion to the action. Understand that your teenager is growing up and is trying to exert a little independence. This isn’t a bad thing. Treat them as you would an adult, at least for the most part. If there’s a problem, sit down and discuss it. Don’t tolerate lying or disrespect, but approach the situation with a reasonable attitude.
Don’t Stop Talking
It’s not being overprotective to ask a few very important questions. It’s okay to ask them where they’re going, who they’re with, and when they’ll be back. It’s also okay to ask why they’re late. It’s not okay to order them to detail every second of their evening. That’s too involved and an invasion of your child’s privacy. Let your child know that you want this information because it will help to keep you from worrying, and your teen will be more likely to oblige.
Show a Little Respect
Respect works both ways, so if you want a child who will respect you and relieve your mind, start by showing them a little respect. Respect the fact that they’re growing up and exerting their own independence. Respect their opinions. Respect their need to have a real discussion with you about real issues. They do still need you, but that need is changing, so try to understand that.
Show a Little Trust
At some point, you’re going to have to trust. Trust the world to look after your child. Trust your child to make the right decisions. Trust that you won’t lose your mind waiting for them to come home. Start early by trusting them just a little at a time. As they build up this trust, give them a little more freedom. It’s better to slowly teach them to be responsible by offering a little freedom than never giving them any and watching them self-destruct as adults.
Stay involved in your child’s life and you’ll guide them through adolescence and into adulthood. Be a parent, not an inquisitor. Your teenagers will thank you and respect you for that.
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