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Seat those people together who have something in common. If people have something in common, then their conversation can be more than just small talk, even if they don’t know each other. In general, you should not seat people together if they don’t know each other and you can’t envision them having something to talk about. You know your guests, so if you don’t think they have something in common, then they probably don’t.
If you know that two people don’t get along, don’t seat them together. If you do, you’re only asking for trouble. If your uncle hasn’t spoken to your cousin in ten years, you should probably respect that and seat them with other people, and not beside each other (and maybe not even across from each other). Christmas dinner may not be the time to try to resolve old hurts, especially in front of everyone.
Make absolutely sure that you keep couples together, unless you know that they won’t mind being split up. They, obviously, have something in common and will have much to talk about. In addition, they probably expect to be seated together, and may be offended if separated.
Remember that this is a Christmas party, not a matchmaking party. Don’t seat people together with the hopes that they’ll become a couple. You’re supposed to be the host, not the resident matchmaker. You’ll be the one they blame when they didn’t have an enjoyable evening. If you get a reputation for trying to fix up everyone who comes to your parties, you’ll soon notice a decline in the number of guests you can attract.
If you’re mixing friends and family, don’t make your friends feel uncomfortable by seating them apart from your family. You like your friends, and your family will too. Mix them in amongst your family, seating them with anyone they can have meaningful conversation with. Everyone will feel more comfortable, and your friends will thank you later for making them feel included.
Consider setting up a special table for children. This is not impolite, but rather a courtesy. Children have more in common with other children, and they tend to enjoy the feel of a less formal table. Ensure, however, that this table is in the same room as the adult table. You want the children to feel included and special, not banished to another part of the house. Allow teenagers to choose which table they’d like to sit at. Some teens will be more comfortable with the children, but others, especially the older teens, would rather be seated with the adults.
If you have a large group, you should try to have several smaller tables, rather than one long dining table. A longer table with more than about eight people encourages shouting in order to be heard by someone at the other end. Separating people into smaller groups will keep everyone a little quieter, and has a more intimate feel.
If you want to keep difficulties to a minimum, make up several bowls of each dish, instead of one larger dish. This will eliminate the reaching and constant prattle: “Could you pass that stuffing … again?” It sometimes helps to use centerpieces and decorations to divide the table somewhat. That way, you might be able to prevent all three bowls of stuffing from ending up at the same end of the table. And, if you have people with special diets, such as vegetarians, you can set them all together and make everyone more comfortable by not placing the turkey or the ham directly in front of a vegetarian.
Remember that a Christmas party is supposed to be fun. Don’t stress yourself unduly. Seating arrangements should be based on compatible personalities, and since you know everyone you’re inviting, you’ll figure it out. When your guests finally start arriving, put aside your worries about who will sit where, and just enjoy yourself.
