Essential Items Moms Need to Survive Summer

Summer has arrived in full force and it's not going anywhere anytime soon. Kids are home, the weather is hot, and unless you have 7000 activities lined up, kids will complain of boredom within 37 seconds. So hit the store and be prepared with these essential tools for surviving an entire summer home with the children.

1. Head phones and music. Because kids having fun are loud. Kids annoyed or upset are loud. Kids bored out of their little skulls are loud. You're going to need some peace and quiet, and you'll only get that with a quality pair of noise-canceling headphones.

2. Reflective silver insulation. You know that thin weird stuff at the hardware store you always frown at? Pick up a roll. Cut it down to size so it fits in the children's bedroom windows perfectly. No gaps. This is important. Once this is done, you'll accomplish two things. First, you'll reduce your cooling bill by keeping the heat out, but who really cares about that? The real benefit will be blocking out the light so the kids don't realize the sun is up. Because we all know that when school's out, kids are up as soon they sense the sun. Buy yourself a little time each morning.

3. Sunscreen and bug spray. Not to use on the kids. You know darn well that those kids are not coming anywhere near you if you're threatening to slather or spray them with anything. Instead, these are the items you lose when you hit the beach or waterpark. Because everyone loses at least two things each trip. Better than the baby.

4. Water guns. Big ones. Then the kids can hunt each other in the yard, get wet and cooled down, and not bother you for fifteen minutes.

5. A list of chores. So when one of the kids cries about boredom, you can say, "Here. Bored kids sweep the porch." Post the list on the fridge and let the kids know what it's for. You'll be amazed how often they're not bored.

6. Drinks. Like lemonade, iced tea, or those fancy water enhancer things. You'll need to keep the kids hydrated and no one wants to drink water in the summer. This way you'll have a selection and no one moans. Yes, you could insist they drink water, but that will end with you losing your mind. Plan ahead.

7. A pool or at least a sprinkler. Think back to swimming in pools when you were a kid and you'll know why public pools are gross. Between the pee and occasional toddler actually pooping in the pool (it happens more than you think), you probably don't want to go to a public pool. Also, public pools suck for parents. Have water sports available at home as an alternative.

8. Towels and swimsuits. Multiples of each. Because you know they're going to get wet in the morning, change into dry clothes, and then want to get wet all over again, but not in the already-wet swimsuits. And no one likes wet towels.

9. Bubbles. Tons of fun to be had here by all ages. And, as a bonus, bubbles are basically soap. Once they're done with the bubbles, spray them off with the hose. Instant shower and the kids think it's hilarious.

10. Board games and such. Because not every day will be bright and sunny and you need a backup plan. If you don't have something to occupy them on yucky days, they'll eat the sofa.

11. Video games and movies. I know, I know. Screen time is evil and all that. But, seriously, on a rainy day, or a day when the humidity is out to murder you, these can occupy longer than that old game of checkers you have in the closet. Desperate times call for desperate measures. And screen time isn't the enemy. Two months of no school is the enemy.

12. Something just for Mom. If you want to come out the other side of summer in one piece, you need something just for you. Maybe it's a glass of wine before you go to bed. Maybe a chocolate bar you sneak when the kids are chasing each other outside. It might be a special book you read just a little of every morning. Whatever it is, make it something you never share.

You can survive summer. Trust me. It's only two months. You will make it.

Please Label My Child

My younger son is autistic. He's 7 years old now, and he was different from the start. That means 7 years of dealing with doctors, schools, aid workers, IEPs, and other parents. It also means I've had 7 years to get used to the label. To know that my son is indeed autistic. To get over the denial most parents of autistic children go through.

In those 7 years of dealing with my autistic son, I've heard dozens of parents say, "I don't want them labelled." And I never understand it. I can't fathom why any parent would shy away from a label that will only help. Here's why I haven't resisted having a 'label' for my son.

1. It's not about me. His diagnosis, his label, his IEP. Not mine. Putting my head in the sand and pretending he's not autistic is for my benefit, not his. It doesn't help him, and it can hurt him by not allowing him to access the services he actually needs.
2. Everyone has a label. I was the smart one. My older son is the mouthy one. His best friend is the shy one. Labels all. Because my younger son is only 7, his classmates don't know too much about autism. So he's the weird one. He's the one who flaps his hands. He's already labelled. I might as well make sure it's the correct label.
3. A label is practical. I know that's not a fun word. But sometimes practical is necessary. Having a single word, a single diagnosis, to describe my son means I don't have to spend 4 hours explaining his problem. And he does have a problem, so I can't afford those 4 hours anyway.
4. A label means he gets help. Even with that label, it's hard to get help, especially in the schools. IEPs don't grow in trees, after all. The law might say your kid is entitled to a free and appropriate education, but if you don't have a label, your special needs kid WILL slip through cracks. It's going to happen.

One thing I've learned over the last 7 years is that none of it is about me. My discomfort isn't important. What is important is my son. He needs certain services, and those services can only be accessed by those with a firm diagnosis.

So I got over myself and learned to accept what was. My son is a beautiful, loving, smart little boy who happens to have autism. That label doesn't lessen who he is. It just means he has more opportunities than he would have without that label.

It's Okay to Let the Baby Cry

Being a new mom is hard under the most perfect of conditions. You're tired, sore, and probably dirty because you've forgotten to take a shower for the past week. And that's when you have the ideal situation.

When you have a baby who won't sleep, the situation is just that much worse. This was where I found myself when my second son was born. He didn't sleep. Ever. Oh, he'd nap for 10 minutes at a time maybe 5 or 6 times a day, but he didn't actually sleep. And since I was going through a divorce, I didn't have anyone to take over so I could catch a nap. That meant less than an hour of sleep per day, and none of that was consecutive. I was totally fried and losing my mind.

Still, I held in there. For five months. On an hour of sleep. Picture that for a moment. I was past being a zombie, and I had a 2-year-old and an infant to care for. Everyone was cranky, everyone was tired, and I think we were all insane. No one was even liking each other at the time.

I had to do something. So I made a decision that wasn't entirely conscious and was mostly driven by exhausted instinct and put the baby down. I put him safely in his crib one night and walked away. I closed the door behind me and collapsed on the floor. I literally did not have the strength to stay on my feet for another minute. It was sit down or pass out.

In fact, I think I maybe passed out. The baby was out of my arms for the first time in five months. I had no reserves left and needed to just sit there, back against the door. So I sat.

And the baby cried. I don't actually know how long he cried. It was more than a minute, less than 30 minutes. I was only semi-conscious, so I'm not exactly sure. But I do know that the crying suddenly stopped. Just stopped. Like some sort of magic. He'd never been quiet when not in my arms.

So my first thought, quiet naturally, was, "He's dead!" Give me a break. I was insane at the time. So I went back in. But just in case he was alive and actually sleeping, or just trying to trick me, I had to be sneaky. Which meant I became Ninja Mommy. I was probably much less impressive in real life, but in my demented state I remember being very sneaky indeed. I remember slinking across the floor and peeking into the crib like a pro. I'm sure I was more like a slug who couldn't see straight. Whatever.

And there he was, sleeping like a champ. A champ I tell you! And not in my arms. For the first time ever. In my relief, I fell asleep right there on the floor. Ninja Mommy indeed.

Did I feel guilty? Honestly, I was too tired to feel guilt. I didn't cry when he cried because I was mostly unconscious. I didn't experience any of the emotions I've heard other moms talk about when they let their babies cry it out. And I wasn't deliberately letting him cry it out. I was just too tired to do anything else.

The next day I took my baby to the doctor because I needed him to tell me that what I had done was okay. He patted me on the back and asked me why I hadn't done it sooner. And, of course, reminded me he'd suggested it before. Twice. I'd just been too tired to listen.

Armed with the knowledge that I was not hurting my baby, I did it again. And again. By night five he was only protesting by waving his arms and snorting at me (he still snorts when he's annoyed and he's 7 now).

I was sleeping! Both kids were sleeping! We no longer hated each other! Mission accomplished (not that I'd really had a mission). I know there are people out there who would say I was being cruel. I don't care. It was either let him cry or drop kick him. Yes, I really was that tired. And I really needed to do something, and I was acting only on instinct.

So what's the moral of the story? That we, as parents, do what we have to do. We do what works for us. Because that's all any if us can ever do.

The People You Meet at the Water Park

We have a bit of a lazy summer around here, so we go to the zoo or water parks or any other place whenever we feel like it. Since it's been hot lately, the water park has been our top choice for the past couple weeks. And in these couple weeks, I've noticed the water park is home to some interesting characters.

The Germaphobe

Why this person even comes to the water park is beyond me. She brings her kids, then proceeds to tell them to stay out of the water because of all the bacteria. And don't you know someone might have peed in that pool? Yes, dear, we all know that. We just don't care because our kids are melting from the heat.

The Clueless Mom

Her 3 kids are cutting in line, poking other kids in the eyes, and drinking the water with no regard for Germaphobe's little tantrum over there. And where is Clueless Mom? Well, she might be on her phone, or maybe reading a book. But she totally doesn't notice her little one pushing yours off the ladder.

The Fun-Loving Dad

This guy is just rocking the water park. He has more fun than anyone there. Everyone either loves him or hates him. Including his own kids, who were all ready to leave 4 hours ago.

The Self-Conscious Mom

We've all been there. Tummy is too round. Breasts are too saggy. Butt is...don't go there. This mom is covered from head to toe and she won't go in the water even if she's melting from the heat. Have some sympathy. If you haven't been there before, you will be there one day.

Perfect Mom

You either hate her or you are her. She's in a bikini, actually looks good, and has her kids and everything else in order. Though you secretly pray for her to suffer a massive wardrobe malfunction, you also want to be her. But don't admit it or you're out of the Not-So-Perfect Mom Club.

Grandparents

These people are playing with the kids they've brought and are even playing with kids they didn't. And they're enjoying it, probably because grandparents are the only people kids listen to on a regular basis. Makes us all wish we were grandparents so our kids would listen to us as well...

The Creepy Guy

Why is there always one single guy with no kids standing outside the girls' washroom? I don't know either, but he's the reason we don't send our daughters to the washroom alone.

The Bored Lifeguard

He's supposed to be making sure no one dies, but he's been melting in the heat for the last 7 hours. This guy is mostly asleep, so don't count on him to help your little ones out of a jam.

There are other characters at the water park. Sleeping teenagers. The kids who apparently have no supervision. The weird concession guy. Try people watching the next time you're there. You'll laugh, shake your head, and have a great time.