College brings a sense of freedom to many young people, but that first semester flies by in no time at all. Before you know it, you’re heading back home for a much deserved winter break. But making that jump from the complete absence of parental restraint back into the bosom of your family can be a difficult on everyone. Surviving winter break can present its own set of unique challenges.
Try not to surprise everyone, if you can avoid it. If you’ve changed your appearance, let your parents know ahead of time. If you dyed your hair blue and pierced your nose and eyebrow, they may not react well. And if your favorite holiday meal used to be ham, and now you’ve become a vegetarian and conveniently forgot to tell them, they’ll probably be a little miffed. Give them plenty of warning so that they can make any necessary adjustments.
If your parents are prone to over scheduling your breaks, talk to them first. Let them know that you’re recovering from a difficult semester at school, your exams were really taxing this time around, and you really need a break. Explain that you’ll probably need a couple days, at the very least, to sleep and spend some time alone. They’ll probably understand, provided you talk to them about it first.
Make time to spend with your family. You’ve been away for a while, and you’ve all missed each other. Tell them about your college experiences, what you like and what you don’t. Listen to the changes that have occurred in their lives while you’ve been gone. If conversations only seem to spark arguments, think of things you can do together that don’t require much talking. Maybe watch some holiday programming, or go out and see the holiday lights in your neighborhood. Anything that allows you to spend time together before you head back to college.
Take care of yourself, just as you’ve been doing at college for months. Do your own laundry, don’t depend on your parents for your every meal, and pick up after yourself. This will show your parents that you’re not the teenager who left for college, but you’re now a fully fledged adult, and you’re responsible for yourself.
If your parents start mentioning a curfew, don’t panic. They’re your parents and they love you. Instead of launching into an argument that can only end in a shouted “I’m not a child anymore!” take a step back. Calmly remind your parents that you no longer require a curfew. Be polite and let them know when to expect you, and out of respect, try not to come home at 3am. Remember to call if you’re going to be late, just so they don’t worry about you.
Finally, if you’re bringing a friend, make sure it’s okay with your parents. It’s their house, and they will not appreciate unexpected guests. On the other hand, if you’re going to spend part of your break visiting your friends, let your parents know first, preferably well in advance. This will avoid any hurt feelings when you suddenly disappear for three days in the middle of your break.
A visit home during your winter break can be a time to reconnect with your family and friends. Be polite and courteous, and very soon you’ll be heading back to college. You’ll have survived your winter break at home, and maybe even had some fun while you were at it.
Relationships of all kinds are hard. But a college relationship can even more difficult. Being young and in love, having to deal with exams, and then going home for winter break can stress even the most stable of relationships. If you do want to maintain your college relationship during break, you’ll need to make an effort to do so.
Start by defining your relationship. This isn’t always easy, and sometimes it’s less than fun, but it is necessary if you want your relationship to survive winter break. Start by asking yourself if you even want your relationship to survive. College relationships don’t necessarily have to be preserved. If you’re not sure, ask yourself a few questions. Is your partner a person you would want to introduce to your parents? If you could, would you invite this person home with you for break? Do you find your current relationship fulfilling?
If the answer to any of these questions is ‘no’, reconsider your relationship. Not all romantic affairs are designed to last. If you really feel as if it will be too much work to maintain your relationship, then consider ending it before you leave for home.
Maybe your answer to these questions is ‘yes’. Maybe your partner really is your perfect match. And maybe you can’t wait to introduce this person to your family and friends back home. If this is the case, then you’ll have some decisions to make. These decisions will dictate what steps you will take to maintain your relationship during the long winter break.
Be prepared to miss each other. It’s inevitable, if your relationship is indeed worth preserving. Instead of spending the time moping about being apart, look at your winter break as a time to do those things you haven’t done lately. Spend time with your family. Hang out with your non-college friends. Go out on the town you haven’t visited in months. Pack your winter break with activities and things to do. It will make the separation a little easier.
Consider how far apart you will be from your partner during the break. It is possible that you could get together once or twice throughout the break? If not, you’ll need to pick up the phone, or use e-mail. You should communicate with your partner every couple days, if at all possible. Don’t have the time? Make the time. A relationship, especially a college relationship, cannot survive without contact.
Don’t start a new relationship when you get home. Your partner probably won’t appreciate you ‘taking a break’ from your relationship. If you’re lonely, spend some extra time with family and friends. Don’t go looking for someone new, or your relationship will surely fall apart before you return to campus.
Think about your relationship carefully, and decide if maybe it’s time to introduce your partner to your family. Winter break can be a good time to do this, and bringing your partner home with you eliminates some of the problems associated with going home for winter break, such as missing your partner or wondering if he or she will find someone else. Just don’t ‘surprise’ your parents. No one will appreciate it.
If you and partner decide not to be apart for winter break, carefully arrange your visits home. You might have to split your winter break, spending half with your partner’s family, if that’s what your partner wants. Winter break isn’t all about you, after all, not if you’re spending it with your partner. Consider what your partner wants, and maybe the needs of your respective families, to coordinate your winter break.
Winter break doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship. Be open minded, communicate with your partner, and remember that you’ll be back at college soon enough. If your relationship can survive winter break, whether you’re apart or together, then you’ll face a brighter future when you return to campus.
The prospect of a new baby in the house is truly exciting. As parents, you get to experience the joys of pregnancy, the expectancy of birth, and the love that a new baby brings into a home. It is a magical time in many parents' lives. However, for the older sibling, the arrival of a new baby can be fraught with jealousy, anxiety, confusion, insecurity, and sometimes even fear. However, with a little preparation, it is possible to ease some of these feelings in your older child, though they cannot always be eliminated completely.
It helps to put yourself into your child’s position. Imagine how it must feel, the idea of having someone new come in and disrupt the status quo. This new ‘someone’ will need attention, care, and love. And most children will assume that this means that the new baby will receive all of their parents love. In this situation, it is quite normal for a child to feel jealous and even afraid of being pushed aside. To help alleviate these feelings, try some simple and effective tips.
Have an Ongoing Conversation
Start talking about the new baby at least four months before the birth, sooner if possible. You don’t want your child to be taken by surprise when you suddenly bring home a new baby. Explain that there will soon be a new baby, and answer any questions in an age appropriate manner. Your child might want to know how the baby got in Mommy’s belly, or perhaps where he’ll sleep. Answer all of these.
Remind Your Older Child of His Own Infancy
Gather up all the baby pictures of your older child and show him how small and helpless he was as a baby. Remind him of all the things you had to do for him and explain that the new baby will need just as much help. Frame a few of these pictures and place them in your child’s room. This will help remind him that he was once a baby too.
Include Your Older Child Before the Birth
There are plenty of things that need to be done before the new baby arrives. There’s the nursery to set up, baby gates to install, shopping to be done, names to pick, and so many other things. Allow your older child to participate in these preparations. Have him select a special gift for the baby, something that no one else has. It’s also a good idea to purchase a gift for the baby to give to his older sibling. This will promote bonding.
You might consider letting him choose the bedding for the crib, the paint for the walls, and even suggest a name or two for the baby. This will instill a sense of ownership in your older child. To children, ownership is very important. If your older child feel like he ‘owns’ the baby, he’ll be more likely to bond to him or her and less likely to resent the intrusion.
Practice
Purchase a baby doll for your child and allow him to practice being the ‘big brother’ (or sister, as the case may be). Let your child explore the idea of having a baby around and encourage role-playing. Let your child change diapers, feed, hold, and rock the ‘baby’ just as he would a real child. This will instill a sense of responsibility and get your child used to a baby’s varied needs. You can also use the baby doll to guide your older child in appropriate behavior around a new baby.
Go to Your Local Bookstore or Library
There are many children’s books on the market today that are all about the birth of a new baby. Most of these will focus on the importance of older siblings and what they can do to help their new baby brother or sister. These books are fun and entertaining, yet educational. A book can allow the older child to feel safe asking questions of the people in the book. This may lead to questions that you didn’t expect, so be prepared.
Many libraries and bookstores will also have videos about babies. Sit down with your child and watch age appropriate videos together. Look for other materials as well, enlisting the aid of the clerks at the bookstore or library to locate appropriate material. All of these things will help to prepare your child for the impending birth.
Switching Bedrooms
If you know you’re going to have to change the sleeping arrangements in your home, do this as far in advance as possible. Three months is ideal, but never change bedrooms any later than six weeks before the birth. This way, your older child will have time to adapt to his new room and won’t necessarily resent the new baby for kicking him out of ‘his’ room.
Don’t Exclude Your Older Child After the Birth
When you bring home the new baby, let your older child participate in the care of the new baby. There are many things an older child can do, depending on the exact age. Perhaps your older child can hold or rock the baby for you. It might also be possible to involve him in feeding, changing, or playing with the newborn. This will make the older sibling feel included, leading to less resentment and jealousy.
It’s also important to make sure no one else excludes your child. If people are coming for a visit, remind them not to ignore the older sibling. Encourage your visitors to bring gifts for both the newborn and your older child. If people forget, let him open the baby’s gifts. The baby won’t mind.
Spend Quality Time With the Older Child
Your older child is likely feeling very left out, despite your best intentions. It’s natural. Make a point of spending some quality time with him without the baby. Do something that he loves to do, something that you won’t do with the new baby (at least where he can see you). This might mean playing a game, going miniature golfing, or even walking the dog. Reserve this activity for just the two of you so he feels that he still has a corner of your heart that no one else can touch.
Have Realistic Expectations
A new baby is a huge change for your child. Expect that he will act up, get angry, and even regress a little. Don’t scold or punish him for engaging in baby talk or sitting in the crib. He’s simply trying to regain some of the attention that he feels is rightfully his. He may suddenly forget that he’s potty trained or want to drink from a bottle like the new baby. Don’t indulge these behaviors, but do try to understand them.
Talk to your child and let him know that you still have expectations, but that you still love him and the new baby doesn’t change that. If he expresses negative emotions toward the new baby, empathize with him. Try to understand where he’s coming from and the entire experience will be easier.
Every child is different. Some will love having a new baby in the house, others will pout and be resentful. Be prepared for many different reactions and never penalize your child for having or expressing certain feelings. Realizing that your child is a little person feeling suddenly left out will go a long way toward making the experience easier on everyone.
Just the idea of buying a house ‘as-is’ frightens many homebuyers. Generally, ‘as-is’ means that the homeowners might not allow an inspection prior to purchase, and this should make anyone wary. Be aware that you will certainly be doing repairs of some kind. After all, a house wouldn’t be listed ‘as-is’ if there was nothing wrong with it.
If you do choose to pursue the ‘as-is’ home, there are some things in particular that you should watch out for. While many things are a fairly simple and inexpensive fix, there are some problems that will drain your wallet and frustrate you as you attempt to fix them. While an inspection may not be possible, you can still take a look around and make an attempt to identify what might be your biggest problems.
Electrical Sockets
Modern houses that are built to code generally have one electrical socket for every six feet of wall space, though this number varies a little between jurisdictions. Older homes may have fewer outlets, so you might have to invest some time and money remedying this.
Adding electrical sockets is usually considered to be a quick and easy fix. However, you should really count the number of outlets in the home. If there are very few outlets indeed, the problem may be bigger than simply a builder who didn’t put in enough sockets. The house may be wired with a system that truly can’t handle any more outlets. This may mean a total rewire, and that won’t come cheap.
Floors
It’s easy to just never look down when taking a look at a property. However, when buying a house ‘as-is,’ you owe it to yourself to look at every possible problem. This means looking at what’s right beneath your feet. Floors that are not level or that sag in the middle might indicate that the builder of the home took a few shortcuts. Perhaps the contractor set the floor joists at twenty inches instead of the standard sixteen. There are other possible reasons for the sagging floor as well, none of them easy to fix.
If the floors do sag, feel spongy, or is at all unstable, consider walking away from the house entirely. It will probably be a very expensive fix, but since you cannot have an inspector take a look at the problem for you, you have no idea how much it will really cost you.
Roof
Replacing a roof is very expensive and if you suspect a problem with the roof you should probably consider a different property. Look for loose or missing shingles, an excess of moss, or any areas of discoloration. Also keep your eyes open for any sagging spots on the roof. These can indicate structural problems that you probably don’t need to be dealing with.
If it’s winter, check the eaves for a build-up of icicles. Heavy ice usually indicates poor insulation, at least near the roofline. This ice build-up can cost you money, not only in heating bills, but in repairing the damage done to the roof by the ice dam.
Taxes
In most jurisdictions, property taxes are a matter of public record. You can easily assess just how much the property taxes will be, and maybe you can even estimate what they might be once you begin repairing whatever it is that needs to be repaired. Keep in mind that this will only be a guess, since you’re really not going to know what the repairs are until you actually buy the house.
Utilities
Knowing how much the utilities cost for the property you’re interested in can be a great way to evaluate how much energy the house consumes. However, the homeowners, having chosen to list their house ‘as-is’ and not allow inspections, are probably not going to give you the utility bills for the past year. In some jurisdictions, there might be a way around this.
Record the asset number on the meter and contact the utility provider. If your jurisdiction allows it, you may be able to request the usage for up to the past two years. This will allow you do get an idea of how much you will have to pay to heat the home at various points in the year. You might also be able to decide whether or not you’ll have to invest in insulating your new home. Insulating can be very expensive.
You can usually purchase an ‘as-is’ property for relatively cheap. However, the costs associated with bringing this home up to code are undisclosed. You might find yourself having to invest thousands in your new property. This will elevate your costs, possibly to the point where the house just isn’t worth it. Evaluate the home carefully and decide if you’re really willing to take that risk. If possible, negotiate a home inspection and contractually detail the home’s current condition, allowing yourself room to back out of the deal, if need be.
