However, disciplining any child is not easy. There are many mistakes that parents can and do make on a regular basis. These costly mistakes cause confusion, frustration, and may result in hurt feelings. The easiest way of avoiding the most common discipline mistakes is to simply be aware of them in the first place.
Don’t Lose Your Temper
Everyone gets angry. It’s just a fact of life. But displaying anger while you’re trying to discipline your child will inevitably lead to sending mixed messages and may even make your child fear you. Acting out of anger is the same as losing control, so it is important that you keep calm when disciplining your child. This means no yelling or screaming at your children.
If you know you’re about to lose control of your temper, take a break. Both you and your child might benefit from a timeout. Tell your child you both need five minutes to calm down, then come back and address the issue. An older child will understand this.
Follow Through
Empty threats will come back to haunt you. If you have a rule with a specific consequence, always enforce that rule and follow through with the consequences if that rule is broken. If you don’t, your child will soon learn that rules are flexible and you don’t always mean what you say. This will lead to an unruly child who always pushes the boundaries because she knows she can get away with it.
Mean What You Say and Don’t Back Down
If your child has asked for that cookie three times and the answer has been ‘no’ then the answer needs to remain ‘no’. Don’t give in to persistent pleas or whines for that cookie. If you do, your child will learn that all she has to do is keep asking and you’ll eventually give in. This will teach your child that ‘no’ actually means ‘not right now, but keep it up and I’ll give in just to get you to stop asking.’ Don’t put yourself in that situation.
No Emotional Blackmail
Don’t try to make your child feel guilty about breaking the rules by playing on her emotions. You’re not a victim of your child, so don’t play that role. Enforce discipline clearly and firmly without resulting to emotionally blackmailing your child.
Don’t Break Your Own Rules
The old adage “Do as I say, not as I do” doesn’t work with children. You are your child’s most influential role model, so follow your own rules. If you have told your child not to sneak cookies before dinner, then you’d better not be sneaking any either. They’ll catch you, and they’ll assume that the rules don’t apply anymore.
Don’t Change the Rules
A child is easily confused, so make sure the same rules apply each and every day. If you do have to change a particular rule, have a family meeting about it first. Don’t expect your children to follow unspoken rules either. If it’s not spelled out, it’s not a rule to a child. Make your expectations clear and keep those expectations consistent.
Resist the Temptation to Bribe Your Child
It’s often temping to give your child a little treat for behaving, but doing this on a consistent basis creates an expectation of more of the same. Eventually, your child will behave only when you have a reward in your hand. Enforce the rules without resorting to bribery and your child will learn to motivate themselves to follow existing rules. This will, in the long run, lead to a child who behaves most of the time.
Be a Parental Unit
Unless you’re a single parent, you probably aren’t disciplining your child alone. Get together with your partner and come up with a set of rules you can both agree to and enforce as a unit. If you can, plan how you will react to certain situations and stick to the plan. If you encounter a situation that needs discipline, discuss it with your partner first, if at all possible. Just don’t do this in front of your child or she might learn to play one against the other, and that’s never a good situation to encourage.
Don’t Delay
Children have a very short attention span. If your child breaks a vase at 9am and you don’t get around to disciplining her until 4pm, too much time has passed. Deal with situations as immediately as possible. If more than five or ten minutes have passed, you’ve probably missed the opportunity to effectively discipline your child. Younger children have even shorter attention spans, so get to it quickly.
Lectures Aren’t Necessary
Discipline shouldn’t take all afternoon. Be clear and concise when enforcing discipline to avoid confusing your child. Remember that the younger the child, the shorter the attention span. Get it over with while your child is still paying attention if you want to be an effective parent.
Disciplining your child isn’t an easy thing to do. But if you speak to her clearly and concisely and show her that her actions have consequences, she will soon learn to obey the rules. Be open, caring, and a good role model and you can avoid some of the more common disciplining mistakes and create a stronger, healthier relationship with your child.
