Imaginary Friends: The Always-Present Playmate

The long hunt for the imaginary friend.

Many children have imaginary friends. Whether's in an invisible dog or a dragon hovering in the corner of the room, imaginary friends make up the social circle of many preschoolers and even school-aged children. And despite the concern of some parents, imaginary friends are both natural and normal at certain phases of development. Each child will approach their imaginary friend phase differently. Some will have the same friend for years while others exchange friends on a weekly basis. My own four-year-old has a new friend every other day. It certainly keeps things interesting.

The Benefits of Imaginary Friends

The very first benefit of imaginary friends is that they nurture a child's imagination and creativity. They can also help your child engage in learning activities. My own kids read to their imaginary friends, play with them, talk to them, and even practice counting and basic mathematics. Their imaginary friend never have tantrums and they don't get cranky, so playing with imaginary friends is less stressful that having real kids over might be. Especially for sensitive children.

But these friends are more than simply playmates. They help children deal with real-life problems and can provide comfort during frightening or stressful times. It's a lot easier to deal with a thunderstorm when you're protected by a dragon or stand up to bullies on the playground if you have a tiger backing you up.

Imaginary friends are also beneficial for parents. When my own son came to me one day and told me his imaginary cat/friend was afraid he'd get blown away by the ceiling fan, I knew it was really my son who was afraid. So I taught my son how to reassure his friend about the ceiling fan, and in doing so I soothed his own fears. And he never had to reveal that it was actually he himself who was afraid of the fan. So when your child is talking about his imaginary friend, keep your ears open. You might learn something new about your own kid.

When To Worry About Imaginary Friends

Imaginary friends don't necessarily mean that your child is lonely, even if that child is an only child. In fact, children with imaginary friends are usually more social and more creative than children without them. But a friend who doesn't really exist can present a problem if your child uses that friend as a scapegoat. Does your child knock something over or break a house rule and promptly blame it on his imaginary friend? This is a serious problem and it needs to be addressed. Never let your child shift the blame for something they did. This is not an appropriate use of an imaginary friend.

Some parents worry when their child does not have an imaginary friend. But children are different. They express themselves in different ways. Not have an invisible friend doesn't mean that your child will be less creative or lacks an imagination. If your child chooses not to engage in the "game" of imaginary friends, don't be overly concerned. He's merely expressing himself in other ways.

As your child gets older and busier, he will slowly leave his imaginary friends behind. But children as old as 10 or 12 may still have the occasional "visit" from an imaginary friend. They may not be ready to let go or they may simply be exercising their imagination. Don't get caught up in worry. And if you child invites you to play with the friend? Go for it! Have fun with your child and their invisible friend. But if he wants to keep it to himself, keep your distance if possible.