Halloween Costumes for Infants in Car Seats

As Halloween rushes toward us, parents are starting to look for costumes for their children. There are many costumes available, some costing only a few dollars, others costing much more. You could spend hundreds of dollars on a single costume. But when it comes to costumes for infants and toddlers who are still getting strapped into car seats, the problem is less a matter of cost and more a matter of safety. So many costumes for infants have a tail or something else that will interfere with the safety of being strapped into a car seat. If you don't want to take the costume off every time you get in the car, your options are rather limited.

My children were tiny once, so when I got an e-mail addressing this particular problem, I thought I'd offer a solution that I myself employed. Pet costumes. No, I'm not kidding. Look at the costumes for pets. Many of them have Velcro closures around the neck or around the middle, allowing the costume to be removed at a moment's notice. I thought this might work for my own children. Tails or cloaks or even skirts were easy enough to remove when necessary. It worked for me, and the selection for pet costumes these days is enough to satisfy even the pickiest parent. You can find clowns, rabbits, princesses, pirates, and many other costumes that can be adapted to fit your child.

The flip side: I often find that toddler costumes are easily adapted for your pets, so mix and match to get the costume you want.

Imaginary Friends: The Always-Present Playmate

The long hunt for the imaginary friend.

Many children have imaginary friends. Whether's in an invisible dog or a dragon hovering in the corner of the room, imaginary friends make up the social circle of many preschoolers and even school-aged children. And despite the concern of some parents, imaginary friends are both natural and normal at certain phases of development. Each child will approach their imaginary friend phase differently. Some will have the same friend for years while others exchange friends on a weekly basis. My own four-year-old has a new friend every other day. It certainly keeps things interesting.

The Benefits of Imaginary Friends

The very first benefit of imaginary friends is that they nurture a child's imagination and creativity. They can also help your child engage in learning activities. My own kids read to their imaginary friends, play with them, talk to them, and even practice counting and basic mathematics. Their imaginary friend never have tantrums and they don't get cranky, so playing with imaginary friends is less stressful that having real kids over might be. Especially for sensitive children.

But these friends are more than simply playmates. They help children deal with real-life problems and can provide comfort during frightening or stressful times. It's a lot easier to deal with a thunderstorm when you're protected by a dragon or stand up to bullies on the playground if you have a tiger backing you up.

Imaginary friends are also beneficial for parents. When my own son came to me one day and told me his imaginary cat/friend was afraid he'd get blown away by the ceiling fan, I knew it was really my son who was afraid. So I taught my son how to reassure his friend about the ceiling fan, and in doing so I soothed his own fears. And he never had to reveal that it was actually he himself who was afraid of the fan. So when your child is talking about his imaginary friend, keep your ears open. You might learn something new about your own kid.

When To Worry About Imaginary Friends

Imaginary friends don't necessarily mean that your child is lonely, even if that child is an only child. In fact, children with imaginary friends are usually more social and more creative than children without them. But a friend who doesn't really exist can present a problem if your child uses that friend as a scapegoat. Does your child knock something over or break a house rule and promptly blame it on his imaginary friend? This is a serious problem and it needs to be addressed. Never let your child shift the blame for something they did. This is not an appropriate use of an imaginary friend.

Some parents worry when their child does not have an imaginary friend. But children are different. They express themselves in different ways. Not have an invisible friend doesn't mean that your child will be less creative or lacks an imagination. If your child chooses not to engage in the "game" of imaginary friends, don't be overly concerned. He's merely expressing himself in other ways.

As your child gets older and busier, he will slowly leave his imaginary friends behind. But children as old as 10 or 12 may still have the occasional "visit" from an imaginary friend. They may not be ready to let go or they may simply be exercising their imagination. Don't get caught up in worry. And if you child invites you to play with the friend? Go for it! Have fun with your child and their invisible friend. But if he wants to keep it to himself, keep your distance if possible.

Back to School: Adjusting to Full-Time School

Whether your child is starting full-time kindergarten or moving from part-time kindergarten to grade one, the new routine can be intimidating and even frightening for children and stressful for parents. New teachers, more structured activities, and the other challenges that come with starting full-time school can sometimes seem like insurmountable hurdles, but with a little patience and some forethought, these challenges can become a thing of the past.

Motor Skills are Necessary

Fine motor skills are critically important in full-time school. They're also something that a lot of children lack when they start school. If your child plays a lot of video games or is involved in many sports, fine motor skills may not have developed enough for full-time school. To help with this, direct your child towards activities that will help with those ever-important fine motor skills. Lego, lacing books, drawing, coloring, learning to write their own name -- all of these things will help refine a skill that your child really cannot do without. I have my own preschooler working on fine motor skills for an hour a day, and he's still a year away from any kind of school. You don't have to start with an hour, but 15 minutes here and there can make a big difference.

Organization is Key

Nothing is more frustrating for a child than not being able to find that pencil they love or the eraser they picked at the store. A messy backpack or desk can be upsetting for your little one. Anticipate this by teaching your child to put things away properly. Have your child pick up with own coat and clean up their own toys. Then have your child neatly pack their own backpack. Hopefully, this regimine will continue at school at your child will always be able to find what they need.

Sleep is Important

Full-time school takes a lot of energy and this requires sleep. This is especially true during the first two or three months of school. Children who go to bed late or rise early will probably be too tired to concentrate at school. Adjust your child's sleep schedule so that they can get 8-10 hours sleep a night. Also look at how many activities your child is engaged in during the week. An overbooked child is a tired child.

Lunch is No Laughing Matter

Lunch is a big deal for children. They've been working hard for half the day and need to eat. Pack attention to what you pack. Make sure the lunch is nutritious, but also ensure that you're packing foods your child actually likes. Carrot sticks for a child who never eats carrots is not a good idea. So test drive the lunches you're thinking of before sending them off to school. Personally, I use weekends to test out new lunches. If they won't eat it at home, they probably won't eat it at school.

School is a Social Environment

School is not only an educational environment, it's a social one. Your child may have a friend or two before beginning full-time school, but these ties can be severed by classmates who become socially choosier without a little help from you. Arrange playdates with established friends and keep your ears open for mention of new friends. Also watch your child for signs of unhappiness. Your child may be socially isolated. Talk to the school about assigning recess buddies to try to help your child make friends.

Your Child Will Be Cranky

Be prepared for your child to be beyond cranky when they get home. They've spent all day being on their best behavior (you hope) and that takes a lot of effort for young children. To deal with this, know your child. An excitable child may require lots of activity to burn off excess energy and keep them from mischief. A quieter child may need some quiet time such as reading or coloring. But have an activity ready to go when your child comes home. Scrambling for something to do won't help your little one.

Help With Homework

Homework just happens when your child starts school. It might be a bit of reading or tracing letters, but it's important that the homework get done. Help your child establish a routine for doing homework, and check the homework before your child goes back to school. A little guidance from you can really help your child get ahead.

These are just a few things you can do to encourage your child and help him or her to adjust to the new routine introduced by full-time school. But the best thing you can do is listen to your child. Pay attention to what your little one has to say about school and make sure you know what's going on in that classroom.

Breastfeeding: When Not To Breastfeed

Well, this is the first post of my newest blog, this one devoted to child care, health, raising children in his hectic world, and just plain fun. But what to talk about in my first post? I could post an article about child heath, or maybe one about the stags of pregnancy. Or perhaps you'd prefer an article about children going back to school after a long summer (as one of my own children is about to do on Wednesday). That one would make sense. Most of us parents have kids returning to school.

Well, I'll get to all these things in time. But, since is the first post, I thought I'd go back to the beginning. Not the pregnancy. You don't want to hear about that yet. Trust me. Instead, I'll go back to the days after the birth of my oldest son and deal with one of the major issues facing new mothers: breastfeeding. I'm not going to talk about statistics or techniques, or how good breastfeeding is for a newborn baby (I'll get there in later posts). Instead, I'll relate my own experience and hopefully help some new moms out there.

I was barely 24 years old when my oldest son Tristan was born. Because of complications during the birth, I didn't even see my new baby until almost a day after he was born. That's when I first tried breastfeeding. The nurses encouraged me, but it still hurt. I had been expecting some pain, but not that kind of pain. Tristan didn't latch well. Even with help from the nurses and a lady from the breastfeeding clinic, it was still painful and awkward. But I gave it a go. I didn't complain, and three days later I was on my way home.

Things didn't go any better at home (or rather, at my parents' house where I was staying for the first couple weeks). Tristan cried and was hungry, so I fed him ever two hours. Sometimes every hour, day and night. I wasn't getting any sleep at all and I was in pain. Still, I kept trying. Eventually this had to get easier. Didn't it?

Now, our area has a program where a public health nurse who specializes in babies and new mothers comes to visit. She arrived when Tristan was 5 days old and my little baby was losing weight even to my inexperienced eyes. I told her that I was concerned about breastfeeding, and not only because of Tristan. At this point, I was bleeding. And I don't mean a drop here or there. I mean I had to keep pads in my bra to keep the blood from soaking through my shirt. On both sides. There's no way this could be normal.

But the nurse assured me things would get better. I asked her about formula. She gave me the "breast milk is better" speech. I persisted, she made me feel like the worst mother in the world for not wanting to feed my baby. I told her I didn't think he was getting much milk anyway because I just didn't seem to be producing anything. She told me that was nonsense, but she promised to stop in the next day to see how we were doing.

By the next day, nothing had changed. Except Tristan was crying almost constantly. The nurse arrived and I repeated all my concerns about my little boy. He couldn't possibly be getting enough milk from me despite all the breastfeeding I was doing and all the pain I was in. There was now orange urine in his diaper. I was getting scared but the nurse assured me he was fine and I should just keep it up. When I pestered her, she finally said that I could supplement with an ounce of milk in the morning and the evening if I wanted to, but breast milk was still better. Then she left, promising to return the next day even though the next day was Saturday. She was supposed to be an expert. I trusted her.

By 5pm, I was agitated and I didn't know why. I paced and rocked my crying baby and knew something wasn't right. By 8pm, a little alarm bell started to go off in my head. Tristan didn't look any different, but something was wrong. Seriously wrong. I told my mother he needed to see a doctor and, being the mother of 4 children herself, she knew better than to question a mother's instinct. She bundled me and my small baby into the car and drove us to the nearest emergency room. My parents lived in the country, so it was a rural hospital.

We saw a doctor immediately. A heel stick later the doctor said the bilirubin count was far too high and sent us rushing to The Children's Hospital in the city. Tristan didn't look ill. He didn't even look a little bit yellowed. But something was wrong enough that the rural doctor knew she was out of her depth. The doctors there were waiting for us at The Children's Hospital, and now Tristan looked yellow. This was less than an hour after we left the rural hospital. Things were taking a turn for the worst and Tristan was admitted to the NICU.

He was severely dehydrated and the doctor would tell me later that if I'd waited until morning, he'd have been past the point where they could have saved him. At that moment, they were too busy saving him to talk to me. Besides, when the nurses realized that I was bleeding (I had at this point bled through my shirt), they took me off to bandage me up. The public health nurse who had ignored all the signs and kept telling me to breastfeed when I obviously couldn't was fired Monday morning.

Tristan recovered and I had a long conversation with my doctor and the pediatrician. I was racked with guilt even though they did their best to convince me that none of  it was my fault and that I'd done the right thing by trusting my instincts and rushing to the hospital when I did. But that really wasn't where my guilt was coming from. Being an inexperienced mother, I'd listened to an "expert" and tried to do the right thing. There's no guilt in that and I knew it.

My guilt was about something else entirely. I kept thinking that only a terribly unfit mother wouldn't be able to feed her own child. That's what mothers do, after all. We're equipped for it. Shouldn't I be able to feed my own baby?

When the pediatrician realized this, he said something that I will never forget: "Wet nurses have been around forever and formula was invented to save babies' lives." I'll never forget those words. They made me realize that there have always been women who couldn't breastfeed for whatever reason. It happens. Not all the time or our species would never have made its way past infancy, but it does happen. Not unnatural, but something that just is.

What did I learn from all this? Two things, really. First, not all women can breastfeed and there's no shame in admitting it and using formula. Second, and this one is very important, I learned that a mother, even a new mother, should always trust her instincts. Tristan didn't look any worse at 8pm Friday than he had at 8am Friday. But something forced me to take him to the hospital, and that something saved my son's life.

That's all for this week. Look forward to more posts, though I won't do too many personal stories if I can help it. Next week: back to schook tips for parents sending their little one to grade one. Help your little one adjust to full-time school.