Preparing your Child for a Sibling

The prospect of a new baby in the house is truly exciting. As parents, you get to experience the joys of pregnancy, the expectancy of birth, and the love that a new baby brings into a home. It is a magical time in many parents' lives. However, for the older sibling, the arrival of a new baby can be fraught with jealousy, anxiety, confusion, insecurity, and sometimes even fear. However, with a little preparation, it is possible to ease some of these feelings in your older child, though they cannot always be eliminated completely.

It helps to put yourself into your child’s position. Imagine how it must feel, the idea of having someone new come in and disrupt the status quo. This new ‘someone’ will need attention, care, and love. And most children will assume that this means that the new baby will receive all of their parents love. In this situation, it is quite normal for a child to feel jealous and even afraid of being pushed aside. To help alleviate these feelings, try some simple and effective tips.

Have an Ongoing Conversation

Start talking about the new baby at least four months before the birth, sooner if possible. You don’t want your child to be taken by surprise when you suddenly bring home a new baby. Explain that there will soon be a new baby, and answer any questions in an age appropriate manner. Your child might want to know how the baby got in Mommy’s belly, or perhaps where he’ll sleep. Answer all of these.

Remind Your Older Child of His Own Infancy

Gather up all the baby pictures of your older child and show him how small and helpless he was as a baby. Remind him of all the things you had to do for him and explain that the new baby will need just as much help. Frame a few of these pictures and place them in your child’s room. This will help remind him that he was once a baby too.

Include Your Older Child Before the Birth

There are plenty of things that need to be done before the new baby arrives. There’s the nursery to set up, baby gates to install, shopping to be done, names to pick, and so many other things. Allow your older child to participate in these preparations. Have him select a special gift for the baby, something that no one else has. It’s also a good idea to purchase a gift for the baby to give to his older sibling. This will promote bonding.

You might consider letting him choose the bedding for the crib, the paint for the walls, and even suggest a name or two for the baby. This will instill a sense of ownership in your older child. To children, ownership is very important. If your older child feel like he ‘owns’ the baby, he’ll be more likely to bond to him or her and less likely to resent the intrusion.

Practice

Purchase a baby doll for your child and allow him to practice being the ‘big brother’ (or sister, as the case may be). Let your child explore the idea of having a baby around and encourage role-playing. Let your child change diapers, feed, hold, and rock the ‘baby’ just as he would a real child. This will instill a sense of responsibility and get your child used to a baby’s varied needs. You can also use the baby doll to guide your older child in appropriate behavior around a new baby.

Go to Your Local Bookstore or Library

There are many children’s books on the market today that are all about the birth of a new baby. Most of these will focus on the importance of older siblings and what they can do to help their new baby brother or sister. These books are fun and entertaining, yet educational. A book can allow the older child to feel safe asking questions of the people in the book. This may lead to questions that you didn’t expect, so be prepared.

Many libraries and bookstores will also have videos about babies. Sit down with your child and watch age appropriate videos together. Look for other materials as well, enlisting the aid of the clerks at the bookstore or library to locate appropriate material. All of these things will help to prepare your child for the impending birth.

Switching Bedrooms

If you know you’re going to have to change the sleeping arrangements in your home, do this as far in advance as possible. Three months is ideal, but never change bedrooms any later than six weeks before the birth. This way, your older child will have time to adapt to his new room and won’t necessarily resent the new baby for kicking him out of ‘his’ room.

Don’t Exclude Your Older Child After the Birth

When you bring home the new baby, let your older child participate in the care of the new baby. There are many things an older child can do, depending on the exact age. Perhaps your older child can hold or rock the baby for you. It might also be possible to involve him in feeding, changing, or playing with the newborn. This will make the older sibling feel included, leading to less resentment and jealousy.

It’s also important to make sure no one else excludes your child. If people are coming for a visit, remind them not to ignore the older sibling. Encourage your visitors to bring gifts for both the newborn and your older child. If people forget, let him open the baby’s gifts. The baby won’t mind.

Spend Quality Time With the Older Child

Your older child is likely feeling very left out, despite your best intentions. It’s natural. Make a point of spending some quality time with him without the baby. Do something that he loves to do, something that you won’t do with the new baby (at least where he can see you). This might mean playing a game, going miniature golfing, or even walking the dog. Reserve this activity for just the two of you so he feels that he still has a corner of your heart that no one else can touch.

Have Realistic Expectations

A new baby is a huge change for your child. Expect that he will act up, get angry, and even regress a little. Don’t scold or punish him for engaging in baby talk or sitting in the crib. He’s simply trying to regain some of the attention that he feels is rightfully his. He may suddenly forget that he’s potty trained or want to drink from a bottle like the new baby. Don’t indulge these behaviors, but do try to understand them.

Talk to your child and let him know that you still have expectations, but that you still love him and the new baby doesn’t change that. If he expresses negative emotions toward the new baby, empathize with him. Try to understand where he’s coming from and the entire experience will be easier.

Every child is different. Some will love having a new baby in the house, others will pout and be resentful. Be prepared for many different reactions and never penalize your child for having or expressing certain feelings. Realizing that your child is a little person feeling suddenly left out will go a long way toward making the experience easier on everyone.

Tips for Buying a House As-Is

Just the idea of buying a house ‘as-is’ frightens many homebuyers. Generally, ‘as-is’ means that the homeowners might not allow an inspection prior to purchase, and this should make anyone wary. Be aware that you will certainly be doing repairs of some kind. After all, a house wouldn’t be listed ‘as-is’ if there was nothing wrong with it.

If you do choose to pursue the ‘as-is’ home, there are some things in particular that you should watch out for. While many things are a fairly simple and inexpensive fix, there are some problems that will drain your wallet and frustrate you as you attempt to fix them. While an inspection may not be possible, you can still take a look around and make an attempt to identify what might be your biggest problems.

Electrical Sockets

Modern houses that are built to code generally have one electrical socket for every six feet of wall space, though this number varies a little between jurisdictions. Older homes may have fewer outlets, so you might have to invest some time and money remedying this.

Adding electrical sockets is usually considered to be a quick and easy fix. However, you should really count the number of outlets in the home. If there are very few outlets indeed, the problem may be bigger than simply a builder who didn’t put in enough sockets. The house may be wired with a system that truly can’t handle any more outlets. This may mean a total rewire, and that won’t come cheap.

Floors

It’s easy to just never look down when taking a look at a property. However, when buying a house ‘as-is,’ you owe it to yourself to look at every possible problem. This means looking at what’s right beneath your feet. Floors that are not level or that sag in the middle might indicate that the builder of the home took a few shortcuts. Perhaps the contractor set the floor joists at twenty inches instead of the standard sixteen. There are other possible reasons for the sagging floor as well, none of them easy to fix.

If the floors do sag, feel spongy, or is at all unstable, consider walking away from the house entirely. It will probably be a very expensive fix, but since you cannot have an inspector take a look at the problem for you, you have no idea how much it will really cost you.

Roof

Replacing a roof is very expensive and if you suspect a problem with the roof you should probably consider a different property. Look for loose or missing shingles, an excess of moss, or any areas of discoloration. Also keep your eyes open for any sagging spots on the roof. These can indicate structural problems that you probably don’t need to be dealing with.

If it’s winter, check the eaves for a build-up of icicles. Heavy ice usually indicates poor insulation, at least near the roofline. This ice build-up can cost you money, not only in heating bills, but in repairing the damage done to the roof by the ice dam.

Taxes

In most jurisdictions, property taxes are a matter of public record. You can easily assess just how much the property taxes will be, and maybe you can even estimate what they might be once you begin repairing whatever it is that needs to be repaired. Keep in mind that this will only be a guess, since you’re really not going to know what the repairs are until you actually buy the house.

Utilities

Knowing how much the utilities cost for the property you’re interested in can be a great way to evaluate how much energy the house consumes. However, the homeowners, having chosen to list their house ‘as-is’ and not allow inspections, are probably not going to give you the utility bills for the past year. In some jurisdictions, there might be a way around this.

Record the asset number on the meter and contact the utility provider. If your jurisdiction allows it, you may be able to request the usage for up to the past two years. This will allow you do get an idea of how much you will have to pay to heat the home at various points in the year. You might also be able to decide whether or not you’ll have to invest in insulating your new home. Insulating can be very expensive.

You can usually purchase an ‘as-is’ property for relatively cheap. However, the costs associated with bringing this home up to code are undisclosed. You might find yourself having to invest thousands in your new property. This will elevate your costs, possibly to the point where the house just isn’t worth it. Evaluate the home carefully and decide if you’re really willing to take that risk. If possible, negotiate a home inspection and contractually detail the home’s current condition, allowing yourself room to back out of the deal, if need be.

Tips for Buying a Used Home

Pre-owned or used homes are a popular and viable option for many people and for a variety of reasons. Sometimes they are more affordable than a new home. Perhaps some people are more attracted to older homes from a purely aesthetic standpoint. It might also be the case that an attractive neighborhood is full of pre-owned homes. Whatever the reason, when purchasing anything used, it is best to be cautious. Older homes will not have any type of builder’s warranty (though there are exceptions), so there are some things that the potential buyer must be aware of.

Electrical System

There are many reasons to inspect the electrical system of any home you are considering for purchase, especially an older home. A faulty electrical system can put both you and your family in danger. Every year, hundreds of homes are destroyed by fires caused by problems in the electrical system. And every year people are killed in these fires. Protect yourself by having the electrical system inspected by a qualified professional.

There is another reason to have this inspection performed. In many jurisdictions, there are codes that must be met before you can legally reside in your new home. Also, if you are obtaining a mortgage, your lending institution may require a thorough inspection before they will approve the mortgage request. This is to ensure that they know where they’re money is going. Most institutions won’t want to invest money in a property that’s not worth it.

Foundation

One of the most overlooked aspects of a purchasing an older home is the foundation. A flawed foundation can cause problems, both now and in the future. The foundation should be straight and level. It should also stretch the entire length and width of the home. If any portion of the home does not have an adequate foundation, consider a different potential home. Also have a professional look for any serious cracks. Some cracking is normal, but serious cracks can indicate a larger problem. Fixing a foundation is very expensive, so walk away from any home with a flawed foundation.

Heating and Cooling System

Unless you enjoy being too hot or too cold, you’d better take a close look at the heating and cooling system of any potential home. A furnace that malfunctions can be both a hazard and an inconvenience. Unfortunately, unless you’re experienced in the function and maintenance of a furnace, you’ll probably overlook something important. Furnaces just aren’t that user friendly. It’s probably a good idea to hire a professional to inspect the system before you put an offer in on the home.

Plumbing

Replacing an entire system of pipes is incredibly expensive. Even lesser plumbing problems cost a lot of money to fix. And an unexpected problem with pipes can cause so much damage that you’ll just want to tear the house down and build anew. Before you sign anything or make a single concrete offer, have the plumbing inspected. If you do wish to make an offer on an older home before having this inspection performed, make sure you make the offer conditional upon a satisfactory inspection. Get this in writing before you make your offer.

Roof

Another very expensive fix is a damaged or substandard roof. In addition to the costs associated with repairing a roof, you may have to fix any damage caused to the interior of the home by an ill-timed leak. To ensure that the roof is in good repair, look for any missing or damaged shingles and an excess of moss growing on the roof itself. Also keep your eyes open when you’re touring the home. Any staining from water leaks should be noted.

A roof in need of repair doesn’t necessarily mean that you can’t purchase the home. But you will want to take the cost of a new roof into consideration when making an offer. It might be prudent to deduct the expense of a new roof from the asking price of the home.

Whatever your reasons for purchasing a pre-owned home, be aware that you will have to deal with some amount of wear and tear. This is normal, especially if the home if more than five years old. However, some things are neither easy nor cheap to fix. The electrical system, foundation, heating and cooling system, plumbing, and roof five areas you will want to investigate thoroughly before making an offer on any home.

Buying a Fixer Upper

Buying a new home is stressful enough, but buying a fixer-upper brings a whole new level of uncertainty and sometimes even fear. And though turning a decrepit property into a gem can be fun and rewarding, it can also be fraught with difficulties. Before you take on the task of fixing up a home, there are a few things you should consider.

Be prepared

People often underestimate how difficult it is to truly renovate a property. Only those people who’ve never bought a fixer-upper and successfully improved it think that it’s an easy process. Before you even consider buying a fixer-upper, you’ll want to mentally prepare yourself. Assume that the renovations will cost twice as much as you think, take double the amount of time you initially thought, will be less pleasing to the eye than you had imagined, and that the house itself won’t be worth nearly as much as you had hoped. Even though all of these things are unlikely to occur, if you assume they will, you’ll be pleasantly surprised when they don’t.

Current Value vs. Potential Value

It is important to understand how your renovations will impact the value of the home you wish to buy. If all of your work will result in a home that’s worth exactly as much as it was before, you might want to consider another property. In order to adequately assess these values, enlist the aid of a qualified real estate agent. An agent experienced in properties that require extensive renovations should be able to give you a general idea of how much the value will improve.

It’s also a good idea to hire a home inspector to evaluate the cost of the renovations. The inspector should provide you with a report indicating the work that needs to be done as well as what the estimated costs might be. Make sure you add ten to fifteen percent to account for any unforeseen expenses. If you feel you need a more accurate estimate, hire a contractor to tally the costs for you.

Add the renovation costs to the price of the house and compare the final cost with the estimated value after renovation. If the final value of the renovated property is actually less that the cost to purchase and renovate the house, consider investing in a different property.

Fixes That Pay

Some renovations bring more value to a home than others. Fixing kitchens and bathrooms will increase the value of your home exponentially. Adding new floors, especially hardwood, and fixing any damaged drywall are also cheap fixes that increase value. Paint may be cheap, but it doesn’t really add to the value of the home. Beware of any structural fixes such as piping and foundations as these are money-eaters that don’t add as much value as you might expect.

Know Your Own Limitations

Not everyone can do everything. Know exactly which renovations you can do yourself and which one you’ll need to hire a professional to complete. You might be tempted to do all the renovations yourself to save some money, but if you don’t know how, or if it’s something that requires a specific skill that you simply don’t possess, hire someone. It might cost a little more, but it might actually be cheaper in the long run. Some projects, if not completed properly, will actual lessen the value of your home, so think twice before tackling a project that you’re not qualified to take on in the first place.

Research Your Area

Most jurisdictions require homeowners to purchase permits prior to starting any real renovation. While you probably don’t need permits to install hardwood flooring or change the light fixture in the bathroom (though you’ll want to check this out carefully, as some areas require permits for every little change), at some point you’ll encounter a project that needs permits. This is especially important if you intend to do electrical, plumbing, or structural improvements.

These permits will inevitably cost money and should be included in your calculations. You should also be prepared to be patient. The issuing of permits is done by the government, and local governments often take their time.

Expect your renovations to take a great deal of time, money, and labor. There will be inevitable bumps along the way, and the occasional surprise. However, with a little preparation and an honest look at your own expectations, you might find that the old house that’s falling apart really is the perfect home for you.