Let’s start with the obvious: I adore my kids. I would move mountains for them, jump in front of buses, and survive on nothing but cold chicken nuggets and juice box backwash if I had to.
But I also sometimes want to run away to a cabin in the woods and just not hear anyone say “Mom?” for 24 straight hours.
This, dear reader, is the paradox of modern motherhood. The push and pull of loving your children with every fiber of your being… while also desperately needing a moment to just breathe, blink, and maybe pee without an audience.
And yet when that need for space bubbles up, it often comes hand-in-hand with a deeply rooted, sneaky little monster: mom guilt.
Let’s talk about it.
What Is Mom Guilt?
If you’re a mom, you’ve probably felt it. That creeping sense that you’re not doing enough, not being enough, or not enjoying motherhood enough.
It shows up when:
- You let the kids watch too much screen time.
- You’re counting down the minutes until bedtime.
- You look forward to going to work because it’s quieter there.
- You want to do something (anything) that doesn’t involve tiny humans.
- You go on a mom’s night out and instead of relaxing, spend the evening worrying you’re a bad parent for needing it.
Mom guilt thrives on unrealistic expectations. Somewhere along the line, “being a good mom” got confused with “being an always-available, endlessly patient, constantly sacrificing, Pinterest-perfect superhero.”
Spoiler alert: That’s not sustainable. It’s not healthy. And it’s not fair to you or your kids.
Why We Feel Guilty for Needing a Break
The truth is, the guilt often comes from a place of love. We care so much, we want to be the best we can be. We measure ourselves against what we think good parenting is supposed to look like, and we panic when we fall short.
But it’s also cultural. For decades, moms have been expected to be the default parent, the emotional anchor, the household manager, the boo-boo kisser, and the tantrum whisperer.
Even when we have partners who help (or try to), the mental load tends to stay with us. And when we don’t have help? That load is heavier than a Costco-sized box of diapers during a growth spurt.
We’ve internalized the idea that needing rest somehow means we’re not grateful for our kids. That if we’re overwhelmed, we’re failing. But none of that is true.
Let’s Redefine What Makes a Good Mom
A good mom is not someone who never takes a break.
A good mom is someone who knows when she needs one—and takes it before she snaps, yells, or burns out completely.
Let’s say that again:
Taking care of yourself is part of taking care of your kids.
Would you tell your best friend she was a bad mom for needing alone time? Would you tell a fellow mom she’s selfish for wanting a hot cup of coffee without interruption? No?
Then why do we do it to ourselves?
Real Talk: What Breaks Can Look Like (And Why They Matter)
Breaks don’t always mean spa days and weekend getaways. Sometimes they’re 10 stolen minutes in the bathroom with a chocolate bar. Sometimes they’re a walk alone with headphones and zero tiny voices asking for snacks. Sometimes they’re choosing to scroll your phone instead of cleaning the kitchen right away.
And that’s okay.
Here are some small but powerful ways to give yourself a break:
- Nap when they nap (yes, it’s cliché, but naps are magic).
- Say no to extra responsibilities you can’t manage.
- Outsource what you can—order pizza, use grocery pickup, or trade babysitting with a friend.
- Set quiet time boundaries—even toddlers can be trained to have “rest time” with books or toys.
- Don’t over-schedule—your kids don’t need 17 activities a week. Boredom builds creativity.
- Ask for help—from your partner, your mom, your neighbor. You don’t have to do it all alone.
The Truth About Guilt: It Doesn’t Mean You’re Wrong
You might still feel guilty even after reading all this. That’s normal. The goal isn’t to never feel mom guilt—it’s to recognize it when it shows up and not let it control you.
When guilt creeps in, ask yourself:
- Am I doing something harmful, or just something for me?
- Will taking this break help me come back calmer, happier, and more present?
- Would I judge another mom for this same decision?
Chances are, the answers will show you that guilt is lying to you.
Your Kids Don’t Need a Perfect Mom. They Need a Happy One.
When we show our children that it’s okay to rest, okay to ask for help, and okay to take time to ourselves, we’re teaching them balance. We’re showing them boundaries. We’re modeling self-respect.
And what better lesson is there than that?
So take the nap. Lock the door. Go to Target alone and buy snacks you won’t share. Dance it out in the kitchen with headphones on while your kids destroy the living room for the 47th time.
You are not a bad mom. You are a human being.
You’re doing your best—and that’s more than enough.
Let’s Make This a Safe Space
If you’ve ever felt guilty for needing a break, I see you. I am you. And you’re not alone.
Drop a comment below and tell me:
- What helps you recharge?
- What’s your biggest source of mom guilt?
- What’s one thing you wish someone had told you about taking care of yourself as a parent?
Let’s talk about it. Laugh about it. Cry about it if we need to. And above all—let’s remind each other that we’re doing okay.
Even if we’re not ultimate.
