Here’s the thing: “Having it all” is one of the biggest myths sold to modern mothers—right up there with “sleep when the baby sleeps” (as if the dishes, laundry, and your bladder are all going to wait patiently).
The truth? You can have a lot of wonderful things in your life—love, joy, meaningful work, hobbies, friendships—but not all at once, not all in equal measure, and not without trade-offs. And you know what? That’s okay.
Today we’re tossing the picture-perfect Instagram feed in the bin and talking about the real, messy truth about balancing motherhood, work, relationships, and the mythical idea of “having it all.” Spoiler: it’s less about balance and more about making it work for you.
Why “Having It All” Is a Myth
The phrase sounds empowering, but it sets moms up for burnout.
In the media, “having it all” looks like this:
- A spotless house
- A thriving career
- Perfectly behaved children in coordinating outfits
- A body that somehow looks like you’ve never carried a human being
- Homemade meals every night (bonus points if they’re organic and Instagram-worthy)
- Time for self-care, hobbies, and date nights
Reality check: nobody has all of those things all at once without help—and by “help” I mean a full-time nanny, a cleaning crew, a personal chef, and possibly a time machine.
Trying to achieve this mythical standard usually means trading sleep for chores, mental health for productivity, and joy for guilt. And who signed up for that version of motherhood?
The Juggling Act Is Real… and Exhausting
The problem with “balance” is that it implies all the balls in your life can be perfectly in the air at the same time. In reality, some days you’re juggling rubber balls and some days you’re juggling glass ones.
The trick is knowing which ones must be caught and which can bounce until tomorrow.
- Glass balls: Your child’s health, your own well-being, major deadlines, anything that will truly break if dropped.
- Rubber balls: Folding laundry immediately, replying to a non-urgent email, cleaning the baseboards.
If you try to keep everything in the air, you’re going to end up flat on your back staring at the ceiling fan wondering when you last ate something that wasn’t a toddler’s leftover chicken nugget.
The Comparison Trap
Nothing fuels the myth of “having it all” quite like social media. It’s hard not to compare yourself to that mom who seems to do everything flawlessly. But here’s what you don’t see:
- The dishes piled just out of frame
- The meltdowns that happened right before the photo
- The fact that she might also be exhausted, overwhelmed, or doubting herself
Remember: Instagram is a highlight reel, not the director’s cut.
When you catch yourself comparing, pause and ask:
- What am I assuming about this person’s life?
- Is that assumption realistic?
- What do I have that I’m not giving myself enough credit for?
What Actually Works
Since “having it all” is a myth, what does work?
1. Define What “All” Means for You
Instead of chasing a generic idea of success, decide what matters most in your life.
- Is it being home for school pick-up?
- Is it building your career?
- Is it carving out time for your hobbies?
You’re allowed to prioritize differently than the mom next door.
2. Set Non-Negotiables
Pick a few things that are essential to your sanity and happiness, and protect them fiercely.
Maybe it’s family dinner three nights a week, or your Saturday morning run, or reading in bed before sleep. These become your anchors when everything else feels chaotic.
3. Lower the Bar Where You Can
Not every meal has to be made from scratch.
Not every shirt needs to be wrinkle-free.
Not every holiday has to look like a Hallmark movie.
Some days “good enough” is the best kind of perfect.
4. Ask for Help (and Accept It)
You do not get extra parenting points for doing it all alone.
Let your partner, family, friends, or even a delivery service lighten the load. The more you normalize asking for help, the less guilt you’ll feel about it.
5. Embrace Seasons of Life
There will be seasons when you can pour energy into your career, and others when family needs come first. There will be times when the house is spotless and times when laundry lives on the couch for a week.
Motherhood is not a static role—it’s constantly evolving. Allow your priorities to shift with it.
Permission to Let Go
If you take nothing else from this post, let it be this: you do not have to do it all to be a good mom.
Your kids don’t need perfection. They need you—present, loving, and human.
Sometimes that means serving pancakes for dinner. Sometimes it means saying “no” to an extra commitment. Sometimes it means closing the laptop and heading to the park instead.
Letting go of the myth of “having it all” is not giving up. It’s choosing a life that works for you and your family.
Final Thoughts
Motherhood is messy, beautiful, exhausting, and rewarding—often all at once. The idea that we can “balance” every part of our lives perfectly is unrealistic and unfair. But when we let go of that myth, we make space for something better: joy in the moments we do have, pride in what we accomplish, and compassion for ourselves when things don’t go according to plan.
So here’s to being Not-So-Ultimate—but exactly the mom your kids need.
